When Morning Breaks, Sharp but Soft

I'm sorry I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I've been busy being an awesome hermit.

Well, that's not totally accurate. I've actually been a busy and very active participant in my vibrant life. For those of you who follow this blog to keep track of my journey, you'll be well informed by the time we're done here.

On Feb. 24 I started a new job. Full time. Lovely people. Great mission and vision. A little further from home but well worth the additional transit time. See my previous blog post for more details.

On Feb. 27 I had my first outing with a lovely gentleman from my church. We've been acquaintances through choir and musical productions for many years. Since that first date, we have been connecting as often as our busy schedules allow and it's a lovely thing. He treats me with great honor and respect, we have lots of laughs and many meaningful conversations. Though we are very new into this journey, we are both feeling very much at home with each other and deeply grateful for this delightful parallel path. For those of you who are praying people, please keep us in mind as we seek to keep in step with the Spirit.

Most of March was a whirlwind of work, school and prep for Easter. My training in Soul Care - the art of spiritual direction - is a two-year cohort and I will complete my first year on May 4. I'm so grateful for all God is doing in and through this course. I am learning much about the various sacred pathways and spiritual practices that can assist us in discerning the movement of the Spirit in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we walk. My volunteer ministry at church is in the choir. As you can expect, Easter weekend was filled with amazing music and transcendent worship. One of the most rewarding musical experiences over Easter was singing Kyrie Eleison with an ensemble in the Good Friday service. If you’d like to listen to this beautiful arrangement, it starts at 17:10 on this video. A beautiful prayer. “Lord, have mercy! Christ, have mercy.”

My sad news is that on April 8, my long time canine companion and confidant, Bernadette (Bernster, Bernie) was laid to rest. She was over 16 years old, which, according to one age calculator, could equal about 87 human years. A long, full life. I miss her by my side but it would have been unkind to prolong her suffering.

Today I am saying goodbye to a less important part of my life. I have struck a verbal agreement with the Porsche dealership in town to sell them Brent's Cayman S. It's a lovely beast, one I enjoyed driving but our season here is very short and my current lifestyle as a single mom supporting a full time student simply doesn't lend itself to the high maintenance and insurance costs of retaining this sort of vehicle. It is with mixed feelings that I let it go, but am grateful that the proceeds will help Andrew in his educational pursuits.


Andrew is currently in a 12 month program at Nimbus School of Recording Arts in Vancouver, enrolled in Advanced Music Production. He's studying the studio side of the music business and has had some high profile opportunities to learn from the best in his field. His goal is to do music production and digital mixing/mastering as a side career while he pursues his goal of becoming a law enforcement officer. His next step is returning to university in the fall and almost all his credits from Trinity Western University transferred to his chosen school: Simon Fraser University where he should be able to obtain his undergrad degree in Psychology within two years, including courses in criminology.

Here Andrew is, enjoying a dinner out with his love, Rebecca, they've known each other since he moved out to BC in 2010 and have been dating well over a year. I adopted Rebecca as my soul-daughter before they even began seeing each other, so I'm quite happy to see them so happy. She is finishing her degree in social work and will graduate this December.

As for the rest of my dear Canadian family, Roy and Lila have returned to Edmonton from their annual snowbird jaunt in Arizona and are feeling quite healthy a year after the surgeries they both had last summer. Brad and Tina are busy as always with his pastorate in Three Hills and their children Paige and Max are growing and thriving in their schooling there. Tina will be playing the Baroness in the Three Hills Arts Academy production of The Sound of Music. Keep all of these dear people in your prayers with me, okay?

Well, the morning of my life is past, but I must say I feel a great sense of vitality and excitement about the afternoon and evening of my life to come. In many ways it feels like a new dawn, with morning "breaking sharp but soft", to borrow a line from a John Blase poem.

Thank you for being on the journey with me. I am sustained by your prayer and words of encouragement. May the Lord reward you for the way you have been a friend to me in my darkest hours. Let's walk forward together in the light, love and power of our precious Savior.

This is the Air I Breathe

My son and I had the wonderful opportunity to do an "Intro to Scuba" dive while in Kailua-Kona over the Christmas week. We booked with Kona Honu Divers and Terri was our instructor. We were in a small group of three and did two dives, the first to 30 feet depth and the second to 40 feet. The scenery was magnificent, the crew very professional and efficient and our instructor was highly experienced and very attentive.

I was anxious the night before and during my descent. A friend who was a very experienced diver had lost his diving companion a year ago in an unexpected equipment malfunction that blocked the airflow. This was heavy on my mind. I knew the risks for us were small, the equipment well-maintained and help right beside me. I felt the fear and did it anyway.

The biggest rule I'd been told was "Remember to breathe." As I was introduced to the equipment pre-dive and began to practice breathing through the regulator on the boat, I found it an odd sensation. The air barely trickled in. When you can't breathe, nothing else matters.

"I'm not getting very much air," I complained.

"It's on-demand," came the reply. "You'll get as much as you ask for. It depends on how hard you inhale."

I sucked harder and, sure enough, had a full free flow of as much air as I needed. Good to know. It was something that suddenly dispelled my anxiety, as I realized I could control my air intake. It also helped to note that each of us was equipped with two regulators, so if one failed, the second one was available. With four of us and two regulators each, that gives eight opportunities to get air in a worst-case scenario.

We were given instruction on the trip to the dive site and tested on our skills at the surface before our descent. I was the last to descend and took longer because of the need to allow my ears time to adjust to pressure changes. The second dive should have been easier but I had more difficulty with my buoyancy compensator and unintentionally floated to the surface once despite my adjustments. The rest of the dive I struggled with maintaining the right level in my BC so I couldn't really relax and enjoy the surroundings until the very end.

I think about the beautiful song, "This is the air I breathe... Your holy presence living in me." To inhale God's spirit is also on-demand. He is ever present, living in me, but I must be open to this presence, the filling, the on-demand life, asking for, taking in, trusting and receiving all I need for the task at hand.

Lord, let me breathe you. Always, only, ever, taking in all you are, allowing you to fill me with your presence, keeping me breathing, keeping me level, surrendering and relaxing into the adventure so I can explore new depths with You.