How Did I Get Here?

I’m short listed on a very short list (one of two) for my dream job.

Dream job, I tell you.

I know, I know, no job is perfect. But when the job description lists all the requirements and I tick them off one-by-one, and the “required experience” sounds like you’re reading my résumé? And when I’m in the first job interview and the man lists the additional parts of the job they expect and my heart skips a beat and I literally fist pump right there in front of the three of them in the interview because he’s listing things I’ve always wanted to do and loved to do and didn’t dare dream enough to even write it down but held it safe hidden away in the corner of my heart where only impossible dreams live?

I think that’s a pretty good fit for the way I’m wired.

Don’t get me wrong. I like the job I have. I have a Facebook album of photos called “I Love My Job” because many days, I do. It’s been a good three years. It was a quality of life choice in March 2011 to take this part time position to help cover the cost of my son’s university tuition.

It was a conscious, intentional choice to put myself in what I knew was a subordinate role, even though my skillsets and experience could have probably fit better in a supervisory position in a corporate setting. But God knew I was going to be wounded. And God knew I needed a safe place to be when the police came knocking that December morning that my husband took the train to heaven.

And God knew I needed people around me who could love on me and support me and extend grace to me and be patient with me while I limped along in a blinding grief fog for nearly a year, forgetting things along the way, dropping duties like pennies through the grate of the sidewalk and still they let me stay and I grew stronger. And God knew I needed the intercessory prayer team that prayed every week for my personal requests that I tagged onto the ones that were in the request box from Sunday. And God knew I needed to get to know Kim and Tina and Curtis and Sammy and Jenn and Ashleigh and Nairn and David and Sarah and most of all Jared and Awlwyn and Craig. And time and space doesn’t allow me to list all the people who are part of this little church who have loved on me – all 200+ of them. And God knew I needed to be in a place that agrees with Him that spiritual gifts aren’t gender based and allow a woman to share His word and His work and lead His worship.

But.

Even though I like my job, it doesn't cut it any more (economically), since I am the sole breadwinner for myself and my university student son. Sure, I have my husband's sports car to sell. His hockey season tickets won't be renewed, I can eventually downsize my home and invest the difference and there's a modest nest egg which is well invested for retirement, but that's got to last for my whole retirement and I plan to live a long time. So in the meantime, I have living expenses that exceed my income and the savings account is dwindling.

I have resigned my position. The people in leadership who need to know already know this. There are a myriad of reasons why I chose to do it now, and those reasons don’t belong in a public forum. If I am not the selected candidate for my dream job, then I confidently say it was not God’s dream for me and I wait again, in anticipation of what is next.

So how did I get here?

In December, we focus on the Advent, the waiting, the anticipation, of the coming of Christ. And I read and meditate and feel like I’ve spent my whole life waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

For what?

God has already shown up. I wait on the Spirit’s movement. Wait for that Voice behind me that says, “Here is the way, walk ye in it.”  The Voice that says, “Behold, I am doing a NEW thing!”  The one who is Emmanuel, God with us.

God. With. Me.

He is here. How did I get here? Through the with-God life. Holding onto God and when I had no strength to hold, God holds onto me. He always holds me. And whispers, "I am your sheild and portion; your protection and provision. I’ve got you.”

“I’ve got this.”

Sitting with my Spiritual Director one cold Tuesday in November, knowing the last job search took seven months, I'm looking for discernment in how to proceed in my career shift. She asks, “What is your dream job?” I list everything off, thinking it sounds like a “Jack of All Trades, Master of None” résumé. But it would be my dream to do it all and in God’s great wisdom and omnipotence, did I dare believe that it would be possible that all these things could come together in one place? I have a tiny sliver of hope.

And so I wait.

And one month later, a friend sends me a job description for a place I’d be honored to work and I meet all the job requirements and I have the required experience and I decide to apply. In the meantime, two more friends send me the same job description. These friends don’t know each other, all three are from different social circles. They all thought the job sounded like me.

So here I am. After one interview, I’m on the very short short list, I’ve submitted requested samples of my work, provided my references, and completed the Ministry Match Assessment to see if my gifts, personality and preferences would be a fit with their current team. The next step would be a phone call booking a second interview. More in-depth, they say.

Interesting. The first interview was one of the most in-depth I’ve ever had.

As I told some friends last night, if I am not the chosen candidate, then I have to believe it was not the perfect job for me.

Every every struggle and every success in my past has shaped me into the person I am today. I will take God's hand and step into the future without fear.

Update: I was offered the job and accepted. I start Feb. 24.