Showing posts with label inventory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inventory. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

A Year in the Life: 2018

Riding the Model T Ford at Greenfield Village

What I would tell you over a cup of coffee as I show you my photo album:

I am not an exceptional person. I am average, sometimes strong, sometimes helpless, desperately clutching on to an exceptional God. And when I'm unable to hold on, God still holds me.

I don't post many of my dark moments here. I don't usually tell you about my mistakes or the nightmares or how I am up and down some nights, especially when the wind howls. But I will tell you those times are getting less often, Part of the reason for that is I am finally learning to trust and rely on the love, care and encouragement from our dear friends and family members. We have seen so many of you this year that I hesitate to include pictures for fear of leaving someone out. Please, if you have one of us together, send it to me, yes?

When the dark times do come, and friends may not be immediately available, I know beyond any doubt that God is with me through it all, whether or not I feel it. I am learning to choose to TRUST this truth, that's why "trust" is my #oneword for 2019.

I have finally made it through my 2018 Joy Jar, then I browsed through my photos for the year and filled in some significant blanks. Not everything made the list, but I'd like to tell you about some of them. But, please keep something in mind if you choose to walk down this pathway of past days with me. Our human tendency is to compare our worst moments to someone else's highlight reel.

Please don't.

Each of us lives out our life and our calling as faithfully as we are able, as best as we can manage. There are fits and starts, there are dark days I wouldn't share with my best friend. So rejoice with me, for I have found joy in all sorts of places, mostly because I'm learning to look for it everywhere.

Playing Azul at Boardwalk in Abbotsford
Games We Played:
We love to play board games and card games. Some favorites include Crokinole, Dixit, Five Crowns, and Crib. This year Andrew and Rebecca introduced us to Azul, and Azul 2: Stained Glass of Sintra. We had fun learning the party game Code Names with LeBlancs and crew on New Years Eve.

Marcel Dionne at his diner in Niagara Falls

Memorable Restaurants:
Who doesn't love to eat, and the more amazing the flavors or atmosphere, the better we like it. Some of our favorites in Calgary include Ten Foot Henry, Rouge, Seasons of Bowness Park, Smugglers Inn, Vintage Chophouse (Calgary), Heartland Café (Okotoks), The Italian Farmhouse (Bragg Creeg).

The rest of this list comes from a little further afield, from our road trips this year. If you're ever in these areas, be sure to try these places: Porter's Bistro (Langley), Saba (Ft. Langley), Elizabeth’s Chalet (Surrey), Glass House Winery (Langley Twp), Hilltop Café (Langley Twp), Avishan Authentic Middle East Grill (Langley), Smith & Wolensky (Chicago), Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria (Naperville), Schmidt’s Sausage Haus in the German Village (Columbus, OH), The Blueline Diner (Niagara Falls. ON where the owner, famous hockey legend, Marcel Dionne was bussing tables because it's his place and they were short staffed that day!), Buddy’s Pizza (Livonia, MI), Bavarian Inn (Frankenmuth, MI), and finally, one we completely stumbled over on our long drive home: Doncker’s (Marquette, MI).

Cinema:
Of course, who doesn't love a good movie. It's been a while since I've seen one I'd rate 5/5, and only one did that for me this year. Here's my completely arbitrary and subjective personal ratings based on how intensely moved I was, the relative importance of the story themes, and the special effects/stunts/cinematography. Tell me, did I miss one you think is a must-see?

The Darkest Hour 4/5
The Greatest Showman 3/5
Paul, Apostle of Christ 4/5
The Black Panther 3/5
Star Wars: Solo 3/5
Incredibles 2  2/5
Mamma Mia  3/5
Christopher Robin 5/5
Mission Impossible: Fallout 4/5
Robin Hood 3/5
Mary Poppins Returns (VIP Experience) 3/5

Live Theatre/Concerts:
This is by far the most interesting part of entertainment in my book. Real people, singing, acting, dancing, playing. Human expertise at its best or in its infancy, quality live performances resonate deeply with me.

In February, for Black History Month, we attended the 32nd Annual Gospel Concert in Edmonton at the Northern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium. A packed program with hundreds of performers in dozens of choirs and bands.

In March and April we visited Rosebud twice: once for the hilarious and incredible one man show, Wingfield’s Inferno and next for the endearing and funny Driving Miss Daisy.

On April 24, The Tallis Scholars, were the height of classical music, performing at Bella Concert Hall at Mount Royal University. "The Tallis Scholars have done more than any other group to establish sacred vocal music of the Renaissance as one of the great repertoires of Western classical music." Their close a capella harmony is an "exclusive sound, praised by reviewers for its supple clarity and tone, and to bring fresh interpretations to music" new and old.

 
Joel solos at Louis Riel Band Concert

Celebrating with the Warrens and Wynnes after Youth Singers

The spring and Christmas time also brought out school concerts and Youth Singers. We are privileged to be friends with several very talented young people whose concerts and plays we frequent with pleasure. We thrilled to Joel Warren's jazz trumpet at the Louis Riel Band concerts, Amy Warren's delightful performances in Lights on Broadway and Falaland with the Calgary Youth Singers, and Nicole Aronitz as a stunning Peter Pan at David Thompson School.



We of course love classic rock and music of all sorts, so were thrilled to take in The Eagles with Vince Gill and get our first look at the new Rogers Centre in Edmonton. We also loved attending an Andrew Allen house concert hosted by my friend Catherine Cadman, who also introduced me to the Calgary Women's Chorus at their outstanding Christmas concert. One other notable event was Wonder and Gloria by the First Alliance Church choir and orchestra.

Humberto Vargas directs Vivaldi's Gloria

Best of all are the plays and musicals. Henry played one of the Inklings (C.S. Lewis and friends) in a terrific production of Shadowlands. On our very short stopover in Chicago this summer, we were able to see Hamilton, the Broadway Musical, at the historic 1906 CIBC Theatre. The same day we were also able to score tickets to see 84 year old Carol Burnett, live at the Chicago Theatre. We also loved Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat in Rosebud; the Canadian Badlands Passion Play, Drumheller; and finishing off the musicals was The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, First Alliance Church.
The Inklings from Shadowlands
(back row): Brad McDowell, Frances Taman, Al Hall
(front) Greg McCombs as C.S. Lewis, Adam Ward, Henry Rempel

We finished out the last quarter of the year with a play every month. The captivating Every Brilliant Thing was presented on the Engineered Air Stage (Arts Commons, Calgary). This one-woman show involved audience participation and dealt with the subject of suicide in a helpful, uplifting and informative way. I am deeply grateful to the writers, the actor, and the joint sponsorship by Fire Exit Theatre and Burnt Thicket Theatre.

Finally, Christmastime was completed with Rosebud's show: Sherlock Holmes & the Case of the Christmas Carol, a classic retelling of the classic story where Holmes is the Scrooge-like character. We finished the season with the traditional rendition of A Christmas Carol at Theatre Calgary.

Cathy and Peggy join me at Passion For Glass Gallery & Studio

Artistic Ventures:
This year, in addition to my photography and graphic arts, I took several needlecraft "sampler" workshops, had an unfortunate experience in glass fusing at franchise shop, so tried again at the studio of a glass artisan with my friends Cathy and Peggy. The second attempt went very well and I will return! Pamela came down from Sherwood Park the fall for our annual girls' weekend and we both tried our hand at watercolour painting. It wasn't quite the beginner's level advertised, but we had a few laughs and learned a bit.

Well I have to try to start wrapping things up here. Significant people returned to our life: Steve and Lisa LeBlanc came back from Winnipeg and Oly and Dianne Boersma moved back from the Netherlands. We've spent many occasions with each, as well as celebrating the following events:

Henry chats with the teamster while harvesting barley by horse drawn cutter at the Bar U


 Goat on the sod roof at Old Country Market in Coombs, BC

Significant Firsts:
Feb. 7, A visit to Glenbow Museum
Apr. 24, Driest Day in 50 years at only 8% humidity
May 25, A stay at Three Valley Gap Hotel, Museum & Ghost Town
May 30, We finally see goats on the roof at the Old Country Market in Coombs, BC
May 31, Meet up with Henry’s niece in Qualicum Beach
May 31, Watch the tide come in at Rothtrever Beach, Vancouver Island
Jun. 5, Attend Vespers at Westminster Abbey in Mission, BC
Jun. 7, Stopped (finally) at The Last Spike, Craigellachie, BC
Jun. 9, Astonished by a first view of Chaplin Lake, Canada’s second largest inland saline water body.
Jun. 18, Long awaited visit to the Pro Football Hall of Fame
Jun. 19, Mind blown at Warther Museum & Carvers
Jun. 20, Got soaked on the Hornblower Cruise for Niagara Falls Fireworks
Jun. 28, Stumbled across the self-titled Home of Bigfoot (Remer, MN)
July 17, Camping at Akokiniskway Golf Course, Rosebud
July 17, Explore Dinosaur Trail and Horse Thief Canyon, Drumheller
July 18, Tour Atlas Coal Mine, East Coulee, AB
July 19, Last Chance Saloon, and the 11 Bridges, Wayne
July 20, Canadian Badlands Passion Play, Drumheller
Aug. 6, Pandas at the Zoo, Calgary
Aug. 10, Survived Calgary’s Hottest Day (36.4 C / 97.5 F)
Aug. 30, Visited Whyte Museum of the Canadian Rockies, Banff
Sep. 2, Stooking barley with Eau Claire Distillery at Bar U Ranch
Sep. 2, Made tea from rose-hips (pick, de-seed, dry, ground, steep)
Sep. 28, Towed trailer to BC and camped at Ft. Langley
Oct. 1, Stranded due highway closure at Canmore, camped in 2 ft. of snow
Oct. 20, Two day Watercolour Painting workshop at Leighton Art Centre with Pamela
Nov. 21, Knee Injection
Nov. 24, Dog-sat Blu

Some of my family at Murray's wedding

Notable Celebrations: 
Jan. 27, Pamela Forbe’s 60th in Sherwood Park
Feb. 10, Kevann’s wedding in Water Valley
June 6, My son Andrew’s university graduation and first year teaching grade four.
June 16, My nephew Murray’s Ohio wedding
Aug. 30, Our Wedding Anniversary #4, celebrated in Banff
Sep. 8, Joel Warren’s Baptism
Nov. 20, Henry’s birthday
Dec. 21, Joyce’s birthday
Dec. 31, LeBlanc’s New Year’s Eve

Well, that's not all, but there's not time to tell you about other church involvement, my garden, artistic endeavours, new writing assignments; Henry's books, motorcycle trips, handyman work, antique restoration, car project and puzzles; fun visiting with friends, siblings and extended relatives; the hockey games with our sons, and birthday celebrations with the family; the Calgary Flames being top of their division; or volunteering with a team of five to cook for 130 people at camp every day for a week. On the darker side were the horrible storms we couldn't avoid on our road trips, the ambulance call in the middle of the night, the root canals (one each), the knee injection, the myriad of doctor visits filling up our social calendar... those are just the stuff of life, showing our age and our scars and our gratitude for the fact we still wake up each day to God's mercies, new every morning. Most of all, we love our life together and are so grateful for this gift of love we share.


If you've stuck with me this far, your coffee is probably cold and you need a refill. Gracious. Retirement can be exhausting. What a list! Thanks for walking down memory lane with me. Why don't you create your own Joy Jar this year, and keep looking for all the events that bring a smile to your face in 2019! Then we'll meet again to compare notes, this time next year!

What ever you're looking for, you will find!

Henry's sister Elvira and brother in law, Ernie

 Celebrating the LeBlanc's return!

 Hockey with the guys

 With our daughter-in-law's family, the Buurmeesters

Lifelong friends, Murray & Pam Forbes, daughter Erica

 Pamela's party and the guys are in the kitchen?!

Henry's brother Abe and sister in law, Katie

 Beautiful Kevann

With Glen & Char visiting wineries in the Similkameen Valley

My Trio of Trust, Jean and Cathy

 Henry's niece, Janet

 Our cooking team at Camp Chamisall Week 7

Motorcycling with Richard and Lynn

 Hiking with Oly and Diane Boersma

Dinner at Gord and Jill's new villa at Glen Eagles, Cochrane

Nine strong women who've loved me a long time

 Hockey Mom Strong

 Grey Cup Victory Party: Calgary Stampeders 2018!

 Grey Cup Victory Party: Calgary Stampeders 2018!

My cousin Sylvia and Rick introduced us to Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria

Keith and Diane

Kirk visited us and we returned the favour this summer
in Ontario but I missed getting a picture of Patti.

Our friend, Amy Burks moved back to Ontario. We miss her.

The Harback crew. Lots of love and memories here.

Some of the wonderful women I serve with at women's Bible Study

Blu

Cindy, Kiel, Shaun, Henry, Bev and Jim - I didn't make them pose.



  ~Here's to 50 more years!~



Monday, December 31, 2018

2018 OneWord Review



It's December 31. Time to review 2018's OneWord. If you're new to this blog or the One Word concept, see my January 3 post.

Physical: 

I've gone deeper in my workouts. Literally. I do deep water workouts at the pool three times per week, pushing myself to target specific muscle groups, mixing cardio with strengthening and stretching.

I've gone deeper into personal health care, pursuing healing and therapy for knee, ankle, foot and eye issues, along with dental work and trying to get to the bottom of the cause(s) of my sleep issues. 

Creative: 

I've searched out new creative outlets via workshops and classes (needlework, crazy quilt, banners, embroidery animation, glass fusing, watercolour painting). I made a commitment to writing regular blog posts, usually 3-4 per week, dug deeper into content for My Father's Poems, and have agreed to begin writing again for the local Christian newspaper. I've made an investment in paint supplies and a signed up for weekly (self-guided) paint times with friends in 2019.

Recreation:

How do you go deeper into recreation? You start by relaxing. The idolization of productivity has been so guilt-inducing over the course of my life that I needed to learn how to relax and re-discover the ways recreation can renew my heart and soul. Drives to the mountains. Walks in the woods or by the water. Some of the creative activities mentioned above. Camping. Landscape Photography. Urban walks. Wandering around Heritage Park. Finally stopping at the Cedar Boardwalk near Revelstoke and exploring new places for unique restaurants and shops.

Mental:

I've dug deeper into history through visiting museums and rather than my previous practice of just doing a visual visit, I take time to read the placards and discuss with Henry how the events and items we are viewing/experiencing impacted local, regional or world history. He is a great resource. I also stopped for the very first time at The Last Spike at Craigellachie.

We have upped our literary education. This was an intentional exercise on my part, both in soliciting input from trusted friends who are more educated in this realm, and in choosing from recommended book lists. Henry reads out loud for us each night and we share different articles with each other. I have also engaged in listening to audio books through the Audible app, especially as I garden or drive.

Relational:

I've chosen more often to give gifts of experiences instead of consumable items. Often it is an experience we can share, so the value is multiplied. I've committed to a deeper level of personal interaction in my coaching role for small group leaders and have been more intentional with intercessory prayer for each leader, as well as one-on-one contact and team building. This is an area for more growth in 2019. 

Emotional:

I have surrendered the need to win. This was a big one. It came after an argument about "how to keep score correctly" during a game. I had to really dive into the depths of why it was so important to me that we "do it right" when it was a simple game. Of course, it had to do with rule keeping and fairness, but it went far deeper for me and the resulting outcome is something far too intimate for me to yet be able to blog about. Let's just say, I used to value winning over relationships and I'm grateful to say this abhorrent attitude is being excised from my life whenever I recognize it rearing it's ugly head.

I drove a stake into the heart of a 17 year old grudge. I'd tried forgiving it countless times, but this year, as I went deeper into the heart of what was driving my tenacious, pit-bull-like grip on this grudge, I was able to surrender this to the Lord and put it to rest. Now when the temptation rises to express habitual resentment, not only can I say "I distinctly remember forgiving that!" but I have also found new power and amazing freedom to let go of other resentments and bitterness. I am free!

Spiritual:

I've gone deeper into Bible study, pulling out the concordance and dictionary to expand my understanding, completing the weekly lessons in our group study. In past years, I often skipped out on this, to my own detriment. I've been reading through the Psalms and Proverbs, I'm on round two and plan to keep this a regular practice, in addition to my other Bible reading and study. I've gone deeper into my own personal soul care via a 30-day reflection as my choice for the Lenten season, and used two different Advent readings and the practice of lighting candles of the Advent Wreath in the four weeks leading up to Christmas Day. I've also invested in the Pilgrim Year boxed set, to develop more understanding of the liturgical church calendar year.

Together, Henry and I hosted a table at our church Alpha night, a place where anyone can explore Christianity and ask anything about life and God. It was a great refresher on the basics of our faith, and brought new growth, including the growth in forgiveness I mentioned above. Our table guests were lovely and we had some excellent discussion, challenging and encouraging each other in our spiritual walk with Jesus. If you're interested, the next session at First Alliance Church starts January 24. Register here.

Unexpected Effects of Going Deeper:

It's touching some very old pain. Not quite what I expected with this One Word experience, but I think it's a good thing. My sports rehab therapist says, "You have to go to the source of the pain to solve the pain." He's talking physical pain, but emotional pain is solved the same way. Delving into the source of pain can be like diving. You need protective gear, a diving buddy (therapist), and plenty of oxygen. You can't stay down there forever, you have to limit the pressure and take it slow, surfacing to replenish yourself (recreation, creativity, and rest) before diving again. But you see things you wouldn't see if you didn't go to the depths.

To dive well, I need to be calm and still myself. I've discovered that being still is a skill I do not yet possess. I'm always thinking. Or doing. Or sleeping. Or talking. Or writing. To "be still and know" seems counter-intuitive. I learn best by doing. Or so I thought. But it's impossible to "be still and do." So it follows that "knowing" is not the same as "learning." God doesn't say, "Be still and learn I am God" he says, "Be still and know I am God." Translating physical stillness to spiritual stillness will be a continuing part of this journey as I explore what it means to "know" God.

So the idea of "depth" is now a part of the fabric of my life, just like my 2017 One Word, "good." I keep a joy jar where I add notes on events which occur in my life. I have added "good" things and "depth" records this year. I plan to review these later today and will post about that soon.

I have drafted my blog post regarding my One Word for 2019. Sneak preview? The word is "trust." Stay tuned for more.

If you want to pursue creating One Word for yourself, there's a quick quiz here, you can read about it and explore more in depth here or you can really go deep and buy the book or find a number of resources here.

I do believe if you begin this practice and apply it, that you will, indeed, have a meaningful and happy New Year.


Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Things I've Learned: 2018 Edition


The turning of the calendar page often brings reflection, even personal inventory. Here, I offer you a collection of thoughts, meditations and lessons from this hard fought life. Feel free to sample, test, and take what meets your hunger for this present time.

Everyone changes, everyone grows
Seek growth in yourself, acknowledge it in others. Think how different you are from where you were 5, 10, 15 years ago. Aren’t you wiser now? Different? Would you always, forever, want to be viewed by how you were then? No? Then allow the same of others. Let your view of others escape from those carefully-guarded pigeon-holes. Extend grace.

Whatever you are looking for, you will find. 
If you continue to look for evidence that things are bad, or that others are falling short, that’s all you will see. But if you assume good will, good intent, and ask yourself “what’s good about this?” or "what does this make possible?" then you will readily begin to see hidden gifts and the potential for joy.

Give spontaneous tributes
Have you given a tribute lately? Give it now. Tell others what you appreciate about them. Even small things. Say it while that person is able to hear what you love about them. Set aside the petty trivialities of how they aren't doing things "the right way" (read: your way) and praise them for what you'd miss if they were gone. Say it now. Today. Repeat tomorrow. Don’t wait for their funeral. Trust me on this one.

Give compliments
Even to strangers. Your server, that harried clerk, the bus driver, the people who are usually faceless. See them. Tell them something specific about how nice they look, their kind smile, their patience, their efficiency. I've even told strangers they look amazing, and you should see them blossom.

Youth and beauty are not accomplishments.
Let’s eliminate the practice of judging whether or not someone has “aged well.” Youth and beauty are temporary by-products of time and DNA. You can’t control either. (1)

Beware the double standard 
We are apt to be far more severe with others than ourselves. We judge others by their performance, which is clearly seen to be faulty, while we measure ourselves by our intentions or ideals, which, while undoubtedly excellent, often result in no performance at all. (2)

Strengths can become weaknesses when overused.
Strengths, taken to their opposite extreme, can compromise performance, sabotage relationships and even derail a career. (3) My strength of "problem solving" becomes a problem if I walk into every situation thinking, “What’s wrong with this?” and then begin to internally criticize, or worse, actually give unsolicited advice.

Seek simple. 
We often get so mired down in the process of “doing it right” (whatever that means) that we never get started doing it.

Keep a Joy Jar.
Grab a scrap of paper and write the date and one sentence about something positive today. Put it in a jar, box, container. (something you already have). Do the same tomorrow.
Or whenever something good happens. Put in the ticket stubs from that great concert or movie. Then at the end of the year, on New Year’s Eve or Day, dump them all out, read through them, enjoy the flood of memories and surge of gratitude for the joy-filled life you’ve had this year. (4)

Keep your own solemn vow.  And keep it to yourself.
Promises or resolutions spoken out loud may trick the brain into thinking it's already accomplished what was spoken. It releases the reward endorphins in our brain so we get the sense of accomplishment before the promise is actually fulfilled. As a result, we don't do the work necessary to actually keep our promise or reach our goal. Honor yourself enough to keep your vows. (5)

Be Present
Don’t make a future list of what needs to go away or come to your life. Stop trying to fix your past. Promise yourself only one thing this year: be present. Speak it only to yourself. Whisper it: "Be present." In every moment, in every situation, in every joy, with every difficult person: be present, focused, attentive, fully engaged. Make this agreement with yourself. (6)

Pray
Is it possible you are starting the New Year with an anxious heart? The early Christians used what is called a “breathe prayer” to help those situations. It is simply this: As you inhale, say the words “Jesus Christ is Lord” to yourself, then, as you exhale say the words, “Lord, be my peace.” Repeat this pattern until you feel the tension lessen or go away completely.

When we live in the awareness 
of our desperate need for God, 
we are filled in unexplainable ways. 
~Brad Harback

Attend to the one who provides every good and perfect gift. God doesn’t intrude. Look for God, invite God, open your heart to the one who rescues, redeems, heals, restores, comforts, guides, loves and fills us in unexplainable ways. Today, if you are feeling anxious, give the “breathe prayer” a try, and may God’s peace be with you.




Inhale: "Jesus Christ is Lord."
Exhale: "Lord, be my peace."








1. Original quote here.
2. Inspired by this article and this scripture.
3. From this article on managing your strengths.
4. Thanks to my friend Kendra for the Joy Jar idea.
5. More here about vow keeping.
6. More about being present here.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Inventory


Every day is the beginning of a new year.
Change doesn’t come with the calendar.
It comes when I choose.
Listen more. Declare less. Act different.
In quiet, determined, faithful, repetitive, mundane ways.
Every. Single. Day.

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

January Inventory



So much of what I'm reading online these days sounds like many of you are experiencing post-Christmas crash and crush from looking at all the coming challenges of the new year. A few stave off January darkness by snowbirding south or snowboarding north. Those who can't escape bear down to work harder or smarter, resolve to declutter, lose weight, exercise more, make a life plan, do this, do that - all good things - but the undercurrent carries the despairing sense that we've been here before and nothing is ever good enough to exact lasting change.

Some are obsessed with "doing", goal setting and comparing (10 ways to Declutter, Four Steps to Improving, 7 Habits, The Best Way to Do the Right Stuff for the Wrong Reasons). Or learned apathy drives others to refuse, rebel, or mock the "resolutioners" with cynical humour or outright Debbie Downer criticism.

The depth, cold and darkness of winter, creeping age, fatigue, chronic pain all take their toll. Yet we seek to do, be, act, live better because our very nature is imprinted with the creative drive to do so.

I write this because I recognize the cycle in myself. The bleak midwinter wants to bury me emotionally under the long nights and piled snow. I have found some specific actions have made a lasting change for me. These are habits of which I still must remind myself daily. There are apps available to help track and/or remind me of activities and goals. Change does not happen overnight and even after good progress is made, change in circumstances or relationships (job, death, birth, marriage, etc.) unearth areas that have not previously been addressed. I'll list the order in which I began to tackle my own problem areas, but I don't think there is a particular formula. This is not a "how to" but rather a "what helped me" blog post. Start where you are, where you feel you are ready (or completely desperate) for change.

A. Emotional Health

I started here about five years ago. There is no easy button, no quick fix. I just knew I was a mess. Angry, overweight, depressed, and in deep need of healing.
We cannot heal what we don’t acknowledge. I addressed this in a two-pronged approach: support groups and professional counseling. I realized I was powerless over compulsive behavior and the tendency to do the wrong thing. I would often lose my temper with family and others. I saw the toll this was taking on everyone. My life had become unmanageable and I realized I needed help. I attended Freedom Session, http://freedomsession.org/  a modified 12-Step group based on emotional healing and the power of God. It provided tools that helped move me forward from where I was stuck in my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I learned to get out of denial, stop lying to myself, stop the blame game and identify the original wound being triggered by current events. It helped me learn how to heal.

In addition, I had been seeing a clinical psychologist for a number of years, since my son was born. When I started in 1994, I was suffering from post-partum depression but it was undiagnosed for three years. Later on, I met with her on occasion when life got overwhelming. I continue this practice. A professional is trained to support you in ways your friends and pastor cannot.

B. Mental Health.

Professional clinical counseling is also a great aid in mental health and intellectual processing, and I also cannot emphasize too strongly the need for many to have medication which helps resolve the chemical imbalance of the brain which often leads to irrational thought. Just as we take medication to keep our blood pressure stable or insulin to help diabetic conditions or other medicines which replace functions of organs that may have been damaged, we also must see there is NO stigma to taking medication to help the most important organ, our brain, to function as it is designed.

If our brains are working as they should, then we can reason and learn and absorb and make effective, healthy decisions. One way is through reading experts or inspirational writing which educates and encourages us and helps us to understand and act differently, in ways that will help us rather than harm us.

I read two significant books which assisted me in understanding two key areas in which I was stuck: perfectionism and discontent. Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection" helped me stop beating myself up for always falling short of my ridiculously high expectations. And Ann Voskamp's "1000 Gifts" was a dare to live fully by opening my eyes to the beauty right in front of me, large and small, every day. To see it all as a gift. “Nothing is a given. Everything is a gift.”

C. Physical Health

I saw my doctor on a regular basis, yet I often did not disclose to him the true nature of how I was feeling until I was in crisis. My late husband struggled with depression and anxiety and this greatly impacted our relationship. While I could not help him, I had to help myself. Like the airlines caution you about the oxygen masks, you need to put your own on before you help others, I needed to get better myself so I could be of any use to him. Sadlly, he refused to see a counselor, a medical doctor or to consider medication for his condition, and this ultimately resulted in his suicide.

I put depression and anxiety under the “physical health” column because I believe the majority of these conditions start from physical causes, not “wrong thinking” or “spiritual failure”.

I decided to see a Naturopath who specialized in food sensitivities. She identified my intolerance for wheat in all forms and I eliminated it from my diet. I experienced an immediate lift in my physical health. The chronic heartburn almost immediately disappeared. My hiatal hernia stopped acting up, except in high stress situations. The Naturopath also put me on a regimine of vitamins, supplements and natural remedies for stress and anxiety. I began to feel better than I had for decades. I also significantly reduced my intake of soft drinks like Coke, stimulants like coffee and replaced them with unsweetened juices, herbal teas, water or club soda. I also reduced my sugar intake, which reduces inflammation and cravings.

After eight months I was finally ready to tackle my body shape and fitness. I set before me the goal of health, not just a certain body shape or a target weight. Exercise to feel good, not to feed your ego. Physical exertion in safe ways releases reward endorphins in your brain which help you feel good. I jump-started my program by signing up with a personal trainer.  I would arrive at our session feeling down, tired, discouraged and invariably I would leave rejuvenated and happy. On Nov. 27, 2012, I posted: “Amazing, how being pushed past my own perceived physical limits by my skilled trainer helps me see how strong I really am. Feels good. Taking nothing for granted. So grateful for this new period of health.”

There are also direct links between my nutritional intake and my emotional and mental health. I must drink at least two litres of water per day and eat balanced, whole foods, minimizing prepared foods high in salt and sugar (hint: choose foods that don’t have an ingredient label). Don’t be obsessed by tracking any one thing or denying yourself. Any extreme is unhelpful. To eliminate or emphasize any one food group (i.e. low carb diet, vegan, high-protein, and so on) is to put ourselves at risk to physical, emotional and mental disease, not getting the holistic natural nutrition our body and mind need to live in optimal health.

D. Spiritual Health

I have always believed in the power of the scriptures, as the Living Word of God, to be spiritual food, a truth anchor in the midst of mood swings, or a thermostat that controls the emotional temperature of my life, a fertile garden where I can grow and gain wisdom. Two other significant books I read during this time were Brennan Manning’s “The Furious Longing of God” that helped me understand how much God pursues me, is crazy about me, and loves me completely. As you can understand, this goes a long way toward emotional healing as well as spiritual. The other book was “The Inner Voice of Love”. This is Henri Nouwen's journal from the most difficult period of his life, when he suddenly lost his self-esteem,  his energy to live and work, his sense of being loved, even his hope in God. Although he experienced excruciating anguish and despair, he was still able to keep a journal in which he wrote a spiritual imperative to himself each day that emerged from his conversations with friends and supporters. I found it not only resonated but encouraged me – a spiritual leader who was also depressed yet learned to see God and hear God’s voice in the darkness.

On Nov. 27 I also posted, “Some have lost faith because of terrible circumstances. Isn't that the time when you would most want to rely on God's strength, comfort, healing and love?” Please know that a few years before, I had nearly despaired and seriously questioned God’s love and goodness, due to very difficult circumstances of my life, but this statement shows the distance I had come in healing from that wounded place to the present moment of wanting to rely on God.

Little did I know that one week later my husband of 31 years would die by suicide. The presence of God in the moments and days following was so tangible, I could physically feel myself being held, covered, carried, by Love.

I don’t know where I would have been or how I would have survived if I had still been in the days of pain and denial. Sometimes these traumatic situations force us to a life change or a break down. I began reading the scripture again with renewed vigor, for all the strength I felt draining away in the crush of preparations needed to be restored. For months afterward I soaked in the trilogy of books written by Dr. David Benner: “Surrender to Love” which helped me discover the heart of Christian Spirituality, “The Gift of Being Yourself”, the sacred call to self-discovery, and “Desiring God’s Will”, which is all about aligning my heart with the heart of God.

Since those days two years ago, I have studied to become a spiritual director but found I am not yet emotionally strong enough to bear the deep burdens of others who are still in a very wounded place. I hope, one day, to delve more fully into this field.

E. Relational Health

Life is best lived in community. We clearly see what happens to those kept in solitary confinement. A supportive group of family and friends who encourage us, have the courage to care enough to confront us when needed, keep us accountable and point out where we might need to practice more healthy habits and behaviors.

I had two small groups: one of just a few women and a mixed group of six couples I/we met with on a weekly basis, some more often on a social basis: one on one for coffee and/or Bible study or just social time. They were my confidants, my soul-sisters, my brothers in Christ. I could tell them just about anything and know they would keep it in confidence, pray for me, help me work through it, even give wise advice if I asked. Several times, especially after my first husband’s death, I felt a great restlessness and was tempted to do something impulsive like quit my job or sell the house or run away. I would call one of those small group members and meet with them and they helped keep me steady. I am deeply indebted to each one who held me and helped me in my weak times.

So, there you have it. A long list of things I have done and continue to do. Through it all, I learned if I want to be different I have to BE different. Don’t continue doing the same things. Make the hard choice to do something more effective and keep it up, one day at a time, one step at a time.

F. Recreational Health

Finally, creative and recreational outlets are also important to having fun and getting moving in fun and enjoyable ways. I took up photography, glass fusion, swimming, hiking, camping, singing and renewed my writing, blogging and poetry. I even dabble in art and sketching and took a turn at scuba and parasailing. Others quilt, knit, crochet, cross-stitch, ride horses or motorcycles, snowshoe, ski, skydive, and the list is endless. These are the things that bring zest to life, the reason we want to be healthy – to enjoy all the good gifts in God’s beautiful creation.

I’m still in process, but I’m healthier now than I have ever been in every area I have discussed. I don’t take this for granted – I have to choose this every single day. I still battle areas where I haven’t yet had healing but I am so grateful for the life I have, the friends and family who support me and the God who created me to live in this kind of freedom.

I hope you might be helped by something here. If you have other books or practices that have helped you get unstuck and you would like to post about it in the comments, feel free.

Now go live and laugh and love.

Blessings,
Joyce


Friday, January 02, 2015

Retro Prospective



This morning my son and I shared the last pot of Kona coffee from a package I saved since our Hawaii trip last Christmas. One year ago, on the day I bought this luscious coffee, I never would have imagined how differently life would unfold in 2014.

It was a year of saying goodbye to…
  • my 16 year old dog
  • my roommate of eight months
  • my son calling this his permanent residence
  • singleness
  • serving the unrealistic agendas of others
  • my tightly held grasp on specific outcomes
  • denial
It was a year of saying hello to...
  • a full night’s sleep, almost every night
  • what I truly wanted in a relationship
  • a completely empty nest
  • joy and peace and contentment and gratitude
  • listening
  • satisfaction
  • marriage
  • who I really want to be
  • forgiveness
  • acceptance
  • laughter
I realize, in looking at this list, that most of these things said hello to me before I received them as gifts. And most have come within the context of relationship: with my new husband, with friends, with family, with the Lord.

None of these hellos or goodbyes were actually easy. I pondered long and hard about many, wrestled furiously (and repeatedly) with a few, some were forced on me, but most I had to choose. With intention, determination and/or surrender.

Few of these are a once-for-all, one-time event. Some take repetition, reminders, remembering that I’ve made the agreement to say yes or no. A few must be affirmed each morning, each evening.

We look at decluttering our homes. We understand getting rid of old habits. We think less often about decluttering our thinking and behavior or welcoming new scenarios and accepting joy without foreboding. It all shapes our lives into the most beautiful of realities: 

Living present in this moment, today.

Don’t make a future list of what needs to go away or come to your life. Promise yourself only one thing this year: be present. Speak it only to yourself. Promises spoken out loud trick the brain into thinking we've already accomplished what we've spoken and it releases the reward endorphin so we get the sense of accomplishment before the promise is actually fulfilled. Thus, we neglect to do the work necessary to actually keep our promise. Just whisper it to yourself: "Be present". In every moment, in every situation, in every joy, with every difficult person: be present, focused, attentive, fully engaged. Make this agreement with yourself. Honour yourself enough to keep your own solemn vow.

Release what you must.

Receive all that comes.


It’s the present.