Back to Basics

The brow furrows, the logic stalls,
the blood boils, the teeth grind.

Sounds like the hot place,
but happens every day on facebook.
Those wrestling with issues
of money, sex and power
and/or faith and doubt
won't accept poetic words.

Sometimes that crowd includes me.

Back to basics:
"Be still and know I am God."

Keep Calm and Work Like Crazy?

"A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, “So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?” Elijah said it again, “I’ve been working my heart out for God, the God-of-the-Angel-Armies..." 1 Kings 19:12-14 MSG

I am immersed in work. I like it. I like the people. There will be times when we may not quite see eye to eye (that is pretty normal, isn't it?), but generally, we're all mature and loving and able to work through those differences. I worked late today to finish a task and realized how easy it is to fall back into that mode of giving my all at the office. I remember that feeling even though it's been 22 years since I last worked full time.

If I'm being open, I have to admit it's a bit of avoidance. Tuesday is a free night. There's no one home but the dog. It seems more important and valuable to finish work for which I am being paid. However, I do not want this to be a habit and I treasure the ability to leave at 4 p.m. when office hours are over. Most nights the dog won't be able to hold it, after holding it all day. Today, however, she had no accidents.

I believe as I get used to the rhythm, ebb and flow of the office, I will find my footing and my boundaries. Prioritizing, ignoring the allure of rabbit trails, being willing to say "That's good enough," instead of being so thorough and perfectionistic that I force the need to work extra time to meet an impossible standard I've set for myself. The A-student syndrome. Even though saying "That's good enough" sounds like blasphemy to a recovering perfectionist, I am forcing myself to practice saying it and living it. Oh, but it's hard.

Guarding my personal time is an essential step in proper self-care. If I give all my extra energy and time at work, then the tasks at home don't get done. Then I don't feel I can relax and just unwind. When I do, it feels like a guilty pleasure instead of the necessary restorative practice it is. Am I alone in this?

I also have used the "no time" excuse blatantly in my spiritual life. I take a Soul Care class on Monday nights. As we learn the art of Spiritual Direction for others, we first have to learn to practice these disciplines for ourselves. The 15 minutes we spend in contemplation at the beginning of each class is a taste of heaven. It would be a simple thing to engage myself accordingly at home, but I don't. Why do I resist something so healing that creates a spacious place where I can encounter my spirit being open to God?

Lent is coming. These are the questions I need to sit with. To speak about with God. To consider Jesus, who though there were hundreds (perhaps thousands) of needy people pressing in to see him, to touch him, to ask his help and his healing, to hear his teaching, still... he withdrew often to solitary places to pray. He didn't work overtime and go to bed depleted.

I want to go to the Source.
This blog is my prayer.

Keep calm and stop carrying on.
Be still.

Waiting and Letting Go

Last week I wrote a letter to a friend lamenting. "I have been waiting... (for this, for that)" and ended it with "I'm letting go." So much disappointment can come when we try to hold too tightly to something or someone we don't want to lose. I was reminding myself that holding on can do more damage and create more hurt than that which I fear. Especially when we don't really have a choice.

So I hold memories. Sweet memories of the gift someone or something has been in my life. I go to that tender, nostalgic place to visit and I express deep gratitude for that person or experience or series of experiences. But I can't stay there. I need to let go.

Lately, though, while I knew I needed to let some things and people go, I also didn't really have a clear direction in which to move. It's like letting a balloon go, expecting it to fly away and it drops to your feet instead.

That's where it requires discipline not to pick it up again and instead, wait on the Lord for what comes next. Be still and know letting go was right, be still and know that God is God, be still and trust his plans for hope and a future. Be still and do the next thing: whatever is in front of me to do.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
.
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.
.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752; Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1855

Read the words again. Dwell on them. Did you see it?

Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
from His own fullness all He takes away.

No one else completes me. No possession comforts me. No experience sates my appetite for the one God-shaped vacuum in my being. Only Jesus, in all his fullness and love can complete me (Colossians 2:10).

On Saturday my father in law sang a song for a friend's 80th birthday. On Sunday, the pastor for whom I work quoted the same song in his message on anxiety and fear from the story when Jesus calmed the storm.

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;

All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;

All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way.

Frances J. Crosby 

And today, in a third reminder, a friend (who knew nothing of my feelings about "waiting" and "letting go") shared a new song with me. What are the words about? Waiting and letting go, allowing myself to surrender to the love of Jesus. I share it with you. Enjoy.

Back to Basics

The brow furrows, the logic stalls, the blood boils, the teeth grind. Sounds like the hot place, but happens every day on Facebook. Those wrestling with issues of money, sex and power and/or faith and doubt won't accept poetic words. Sometimes that crowd includes me.

Back to basics: "Be still and know I am God."



Picture: depositphotos.com #9838079, standard license