Future Memory

Facebook often reminds us of memories, sometimes sweet, sometimes nostalgic, sometimes sad. It keeps us looking back.

But what if it could show us future memories?

No eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Cor. 2:9)

When I hike, I like to occasionally stop and look at the view behind me, from where I've come. It's often a breathtaking perspective.

But I can't move forward that way.

God has told us he will walk with us and be our shepherd, guard and guide. He will never leave. He walks with us into the future because he's already been there. He has told us what is good. How do we lean into that?

And what does the LORD require of you? Do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

 Now let's go make some future memories that will take our breath away.

Photo: front range of Rocky Mountains, looking west from Calgary near Hwy. 8, personal collection.

When Morning Breaks, Sharp but Soft

I'm sorry I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I've been busy being an awesome hermit.

Well, that's not totally accurate. I've actually been a busy and very active participant in my vibrant life. For those of you who follow this blog to keep track of my journey, you'll be well informed by the time we're done here.

On Feb. 24 I started a new job. Full time. Lovely people. Great mission and vision. A little further from home but well worth the additional transit time. See my previous blog post for more details.

On Feb. 27 I had my first outing with a lovely gentleman from my church. We've been acquaintances through choir and musical productions for many years. Since that first date, we have been connecting as often as our busy schedules allow and it's a lovely thing. He treats me with great honor and respect, we have lots of laughs and many meaningful conversations. Though we are very new into this journey, we are both feeling very much at home with each other and deeply grateful for this delightful parallel path. For those of you who are praying people, please keep us in mind as we seek to keep in step with the Spirit.

Most of March was a whirlwind of work, school and prep for Easter. My training in Soul Care - the art of spiritual direction - is a two-year cohort and I will complete my first year on May 4. I'm so grateful for all God is doing in and through this course. I am learning much about the various sacred pathways and spiritual practices that can assist us in discerning the movement of the Spirit in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we walk. My volunteer ministry at church is in the choir. As you can expect, Easter weekend was filled with amazing music and transcendent worship. One of the most rewarding musical experiences over Easter was singing Kyrie Eleison with an ensemble in the Good Friday service. If you’d like to listen to this beautiful arrangement, it starts at 17:10 on this video. A beautiful prayer. “Lord, have mercy! Christ, have mercy.”

My sad news is that on April 8, my long time canine companion and confidant, Bernadette (Bernster, Bernie) was laid to rest. She was over 16 years old, which, according to one age calculator, could equal about 87 human years. A long, full life. I miss her by my side but it would have been unkind to prolong her suffering.

Today I am saying goodbye to a less important part of my life. I have struck a verbal agreement with the Porsche dealership in town to sell them Brent's Cayman S. It's a lovely beast, one I enjoyed driving but our season here is very short and my current lifestyle as a single mom supporting a full time student simply doesn't lend itself to the high maintenance and insurance costs of retaining this sort of vehicle. It is with mixed feelings that I let it go, but am grateful that the proceeds will help Andrew in his educational pursuits.


Andrew is currently in a 12 month program at Nimbus School of Recording Arts in Vancouver, enrolled in Advanced Music Production. He's studying the studio side of the music business and has had some high profile opportunities to learn from the best in his field. His goal is to do music production and digital mixing/mastering as a side career while he pursues his goal of becoming a law enforcement officer. His next step is returning to university in the fall and almost all his credits from Trinity Western University transferred to his chosen school: Simon Fraser University where he should be able to obtain his undergrad degree in Psychology within two years, including courses in criminology.

Here Andrew is, enjoying a dinner out with his love, Rebecca, they've known each other since he moved out to BC in 2010 and have been dating well over a year. I adopted Rebecca as my soul-daughter before they even began seeing each other, so I'm quite happy to see them so happy. She is finishing her degree in social work and will graduate this December.

As for the rest of my dear Canadian family, Roy and Lila have returned to Edmonton from their annual snowbird jaunt in Arizona and are feeling quite healthy a year after the surgeries they both had last summer. Brad and Tina are busy as always with his pastorate in Three Hills and their children Paige and Max are growing and thriving in their schooling there. Tina will be playing the Baroness in the Three Hills Arts Academy production of The Sound of Music. Keep all of these dear people in your prayers with me, okay?

Well, the morning of my life is past, but I must say I feel a great sense of vitality and excitement about the afternoon and evening of my life to come. In many ways it feels like a new dawn, with morning "breaking sharp but soft", to borrow a line from a John Blase poem.

Thank you for being on the journey with me. I am sustained by your prayer and words of encouragement. May the Lord reward you for the way you have been a friend to me in my darkest hours. Let's walk forward together in the light, love and power of our precious Savior.

After the Introduction to The Unexpected Journey

Many of you have offered "If there's anything I can do..."  Well, you can give me your advice.

It's another beautiful sunrise from my deck. But just as the sun rises with the shadow of a Chinook cloud above the mountains, so my view of the rising future also comes shrouded in shadows. Just as the sunrise changes every morning, the circumstances of my life also change. There are times, especially at night, when it feels really dark and even the stars can be obscured by cloud, but I gladly remember that somewhere, the sun is always shining, it's just my perspective that changes. It helps when others can shine a flashlight or light a candle in the dark to help me find my way.

When Brent died, my future was just changed in a way I never anticipated and I entered a period of very little light. Before Dec. 7, my primary role was as a partner and support to my husband in his career as the primary provider. Now, the role of "supportive wife" is gone.

I'm it.

Head of the household. Decisions have to be made. I don't have to consider another person's opinion, but then again, I also don't have another person to consult or to share the blame if it all goes awry. Ha. So how do I look to the future and choose to live intentionally in a contributing way? How do I find my new identity? How do I anticipate problems and plan to avoid pitfalls? How do I set myself up for as much success as possible? Should I even be thinking "success" vs. "process"? What can I really change or control?

Seth Godin talks about envisioning a future without your sacred cows. Go read this blog post, then come back here and give me your ideas.

Based on Seth's blog post, what are my sacred cows? How do I envision a future with or without them? How do I even envision a future when all I can see in the immediate near term is spending every hour catching up on paperwork and trying to clean up the details of my past?

The strongest advice I've been given by those who have been in my place is 1) don't do anything in a hurry or on impulse and 2) don't make any significant changes for at least a year. This seems like good advice, so I can stay in my current job, be a mom who parents from a distance, hang out with some pretty nice people in my church and neighborhood and not change anything for a while.

Maybe that’s an okay idea, but somehow I think that’s a pretty small life. My financial situation is adequate but requires prudence. No lavish lifestyle for me. I have an investment advisor, a tax accountant, a realtor and a lawyer if needed. They provide practical advice, support and guidance in financial and legal matters. My pastor, life coach and psychologist help with the spiritual and emotional side. I guess I'm getting down to the nitty gritty of career and identity, two very big issues. Who am I if I am not a wife? I am still a mother, but my son is a young adult working his way toward becoming self-supporting, so my involvement in his life is changing. Do I plan for early retirement? If so, what do I retire to? If I don't retire early, am I in the best career for the next decade or so? Am I living in the best place? Do I move closer to my son?

I don’t really hear a Clear Calling to anything different yet, no incredible book offers or job offers or speaking engagements, but I would like to envision possible scenarios for my future in the manner Seth Godin suggests. But does imagination help unless it involves decisions I actually have some control over? I hopefully won't approach my future like the widow I heard about who is spent all her time desperately searching online dating sites for her next husband. Not that there's anything wrong with online dating per se, just that you can't make a partner magically appear. It takes two to tango and "desperate" isn't really my style.

I’m having a hard time concentrating on my daily Bible reading. I talk to God all the time, and I hear great truth through many avenues, so for now, I think I am going to just plod along where I am and ask that your prayers for me in the future include the petition that I would clearly sense God’s voice and have my eyes open to whatever contribution I can make right in front of me. And if God wants to change focus and give me some Really Clear Direction, you can let him know I think that would be a mighty fine idea.

What do YOU think might show up as a sacred cow as I consider possible scenarios for my future? Do you have real life examples of helpful things widows/widowers have done and things I Really Should Avoid? If so, you can email me at harback@shaw.ca or better yet, post them here in the comments.

Thanks for your love, prayer and support,
Joyce