After the Introduction to The Unexpected Journey

Many of you have offered "If there's anything I can do..."  Well, you can give me your advice.

It's another beautiful sunrise from my deck. But just as the sun rises with the shadow of a Chinook cloud above the mountains, so my view of the rising future also comes shrouded in shadows. Just as the sunrise changes every morning, the circumstances of my life also change. There are times, especially at night, when it feels really dark and even the stars can be obscured by cloud, but I gladly remember that somewhere, the sun is always shining, it's just my perspective that changes. It helps when others can shine a flashlight or light a candle in the dark to help me find my way.

When Brent died, my future was just changed in a way I never anticipated and I entered a period of very little light. Before Dec. 7, my primary role was as a partner and support to my husband in his career as the primary provider. Now, the role of "supportive wife" is gone.

I'm it.

Head of the household. Decisions have to be made. I don't have to consider another person's opinion, but then again, I also don't have another person to consult or to share the blame if it all goes awry. Ha. So how do I look to the future and choose to live intentionally in a contributing way? How do I find my new identity? How do I anticipate problems and plan to avoid pitfalls? How do I set myself up for as much success as possible? Should I even be thinking "success" vs. "process"? What can I really change or control?

Seth Godin talks about envisioning a future without your sacred cows. Go read this blog post, then come back here and give me your ideas.

Based on Seth's blog post, what are my sacred cows? How do I envision a future with or without them? How do I even envision a future when all I can see in the immediate near term is spending every hour catching up on paperwork and trying to clean up the details of my past?

The strongest advice I've been given by those who have been in my place is 1) don't do anything in a hurry or on impulse and 2) don't make any significant changes for at least a year. This seems like good advice, so I can stay in my current job, be a mom who parents from a distance, hang out with some pretty nice people in my church and neighborhood and not change anything for a while.

Maybe that’s an okay idea, but somehow I think that’s a pretty small life. My financial situation is adequate but requires prudence. No lavish lifestyle for me. I have an investment advisor, a tax accountant, a realtor and a lawyer if needed. They provide practical advice, support and guidance in financial and legal matters. My pastor, life coach and psychologist help with the spiritual and emotional side. I guess I'm getting down to the nitty gritty of career and identity, two very big issues. Who am I if I am not a wife? I am still a mother, but my son is a young adult working his way toward becoming self-supporting, so my involvement in his life is changing. Do I plan for early retirement? If so, what do I retire to? If I don't retire early, am I in the best career for the next decade or so? Am I living in the best place? Do I move closer to my son?

I don’t really hear a Clear Calling to anything different yet, no incredible book offers or job offers or speaking engagements, but I would like to envision possible scenarios for my future in the manner Seth Godin suggests. But does imagination help unless it involves decisions I actually have some control over? I hopefully won't approach my future like the widow I heard about who is spent all her time desperately searching online dating sites for her next husband. Not that there's anything wrong with online dating per se, just that you can't make a partner magically appear. It takes two to tango and "desperate" isn't really my style.

I’m having a hard time concentrating on my daily Bible reading. I talk to God all the time, and I hear great truth through many avenues, so for now, I think I am going to just plod along where I am and ask that your prayers for me in the future include the petition that I would clearly sense God’s voice and have my eyes open to whatever contribution I can make right in front of me. And if God wants to change focus and give me some Really Clear Direction, you can let him know I think that would be a mighty fine idea.

What do YOU think might show up as a sacred cow as I consider possible scenarios for my future? Do you have real life examples of helpful things widows/widowers have done and things I Really Should Avoid? If so, you can email me at harback@shaw.ca or better yet, post them here in the comments.

Thanks for your love, prayer and support,
Joyce

The Eyes of Jesus

According to this report today on msnbc.com, Albertson's stores are eliminating self-checkout because they want "the opportunity to talk more with customers."

Author Leonard Sweet posted a link to the article on Facebook, commenting, "I've never used an ATM machine for this very reason."

Sweet is the chief contributor to sermons.com and he is practicing what he preaches. His posts on social media sites encourage interaction with and between readers. The news story and his remark about ATMs vs. flesh-and-blood tellers caused a surprising emotional reaction in me.

Not use ATMs? I live in Canada, a world leader in banking. More people per capita use bank debit cards and electronic banking here than in any other developed nation. I mentally argued against Sweet's example. I loathe going inside the bank. "I'm too busy to go stand in line and talk to a real person."

Then my thoughts did a mental catapult back in time to the principles taught in John Ortberg's book "An Ordinary Day with Jesus: Experiencing the Reality of God in Your Everyday Life." My choice of the words "principles taught" rather than "what I learned" was quite intentional. One thing I DID learn was how blindly I rushed through my day. How, before I chose a lane at a stop light, I analyzed the vehicles in front of me to assess which was more likely to take off at a faster speed when the light turned green. I also did similar analysis of retail store check-out lines, looking to see not only the quantity of the items in each person's cart already in line, but also checking the gender of the cashier (guys are usually faster) and whether they seemed focused on their task.

I blush now to think. I learned it, but I didn't change my habit.

I also remember one encounter with the Exit door clerk at Costco one busy Christmas shopping day. The normal custom is for a clerk to look briefly at my receipt, mark it and let me exit. The faster the better. Not this day.

This woman was close to my age. She greeted me with a cheery, "Good afternoon." I didn't look at her as I was balancing something in the cart. She didn't hand my receipt back. "Good afternoon," she repeated, more insistently. I looked up to meet her penetrating gaze and echoed the greeting back to her, only slightly more annoyed. She smiled as our eyes met and I felt rebuked as she commanded me to "Have a nice day" before she returned my receipt and let me pass. She was completely intentional about ensuring I acknowledged her existence and heard her admonition.

I was initially annoyed at her intrusion into my busy schedule. Didn't she realize how many people were lined up behind me? After stewing on it a while, I realized she caused me all of five seconds delay and I felt chagrin at my own lack of awareness.

And then there's 7-11. Every time I enter one, I am greeted with eye contact and a "Hello." The greeting helps customers feel that they have been seen. They are not invisible. Statistics show this acknowledgement of a customer's entrance has reduced shoplifting.

After reading about Albertson's, mulling over Leonard Sweet's example and remembering the assertive Costco clerk, I've realized, to my shame, I've behaved contrary to someone who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I have habitually dehumanized the store staff I encounter while shopping. Sometimes my impatience would rise if they became a barrier to my goals. Instead of seeing every interaction as an opportunity to be Jesus in the lives of a lost and hurting human being for whom Christ died, I was viewing them as mere means to an end in pursuit of my agenda.

Quite an epiphany for an early Sunday morning.

Lord, open my eyes. Help me see every person I encounter as they are: a precious soul for whom you gave your life. A Devine appointment. An opportunity - no, a mandate - to share your love. A seed planted, a kindness given, a destiny changed.

Increase faith by increasing focus. Eternity is in this moment.

Feeling Insignificant?

Harry Truman said "It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

The following video "The Invisible Woman" brings a powerful message of hope to every taken-for-granted woman in today's world.

We're All In Our Places With Bright Shining ... Cellphones?

I upgraded my equipment with a prominent cellular provider. It is the phone my son uses. I left them due to lack of customer care but they are the only ones who cover my son's favorite ski hill, so I have left his phone on their network.

It was two weeks old and the display screen quit working. No visible damage.

Simple. Has to be under warranty.

No.

Not the screen.

So.

I'm locked into a three year contract. WITH NO PHONE. The company says they aren't responsible for manufacturer's equipment and they'd send it back to the repair center but they wouldn't replace it and they wouldn't release me from the contract (cancellation penalty would have totalled over $500). They'd be happy to sell me a replacement phone. No thanks!

Had the store send it back for repair.

No one called.

Eight weeks went by. EIGHT WEEKS.

Five phone calls, four visits to the store, no one could tell me anything about the status. I won't bore you with the excuses I heard. Bottom line? No one cared.

Finally, being extra courteous (I'd never been rude in the whole process - angry? yes, but not rude), I got the manager's cell phone number from a clerk.

He was initially hard to reach but eventually met with me at the store, called "Customer Retention" department and ultimately I will have a new phone. I think the manager made a significant exception in my case - the corporation charged for the "new" phone but he reimbursed my account for the full amount. I even got my old phone back (unrepaired). Maybe I'll need it for parts?

I'm from Missouri. You've gotta show me. I'll let you know if the new phone really does arrive.