Think of the Children

I passed two women chatting in the grocery aisle last week. One had her son with her. He was, perhaps, ten years old. She was speaking angrily in catastrophic terms about the crisis. His face, I noticed was pale and strained.

For kids, it's important to remember if we aren't paying attention, they will draw their own conclusions without the maturity and experience to be able to discern what is real and what is imagined. Fear can be an overwhelming burden that expresses itself in stomach trouble, headaches, acting out and more.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional. I used to work in an elementary school. I raised one son of my own. I grew up with seven siblings in a busy family. I lost my first husband to mental health issues. So I have read and implemented a number of coping strategies. In my own growth journey, I continue to untangle and debunk a lifetime of fear-based lies I assumed as truth from my childhood experiences. While I had a caring family upbringing, it was a big family and being the youngest, I often was overlooked and heard things not meant for me. I gave these out of context remarks inappropriate meaning and import, misinterpreting them because I didn't have an adult perspective and the adults had no clue about what I was thinking and feeling.

So, I offer here a few suggestions you may find helpful in navigating this already challenging time. I want to especially highlight the simple but important blue section above for those of you who have kids. Let this be a springboard for your own ideas and research.

1. Reassure your child(ren) that they're safe.

This is not about just spewing platitudes and clichés to get past dealing with their Big Feelings. Hold your child, comfort them. Avoid unloading your own fears onto them. Look them in the eyes, speak kindly, promise your care, your presence, your help, your protection. Use words like "I'm here for you. I'm looking out for you and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you are safe." Then live it out!

2. Let them talk about their worries.

Affirm that you hear them. Don't discount what they're feeling or shame them by saying "You shouldn't feel that way." Use words like "I know it can be hard. These are really big feelings sometimes, when we're going through something brand new." Ask a simple question or two to draw them out, and listen carefully, rather than just talking at them or telling them facts. Get involved in a craft with them. When children are doing something with their hands, sometimes they can more easily talk about what's going on in their mind. Be available and be present.

3. Share your own coping skills (for starter ideas, see the yellow and green squares).

What works for you may not work for the kids you love. Try different strategies. Ask them what helps them calm down or solve problems. Explore the Understood website for solid advice on navigating this current Covid-19 crisis.

4. Limit their exposure. 

And your own. Too much news, too much discussion, can be overwhelming and many news reports border on the dramatic and unusual, sometimes downright fear-mongering. The situation is changing every day. Screen the news by yourself (or just leave it off) and let your kids be kids.

5. Create and routine and structure.

Have regular mealtimes and bedtimes. Quiet times. Chores. Outdoor time. Baking. Board games. Yoga. Exercise. Game time. Make lists. Make "laughing a lot" the first goal. Here's one place to start informing yourself on how to create structure with children.

Like I said, I'm no expert and this is a small potpourri of a few small ways to make a difference. I'd love to know what you're doing and what works. Comment below.

On Loan from God (Guest Poet)

My father was a poet, preacher, and songwriter. I came across one of his poems today that is quite timely after yesterday's blog post. It's intriguing to me to hear my father echoing words and feelings that I myself now experience. We are, after all, not so different, he and I. 


On Loan from God
Alternate Title: "Earth's Family Cycle"
by Frank P. Nickel

We take our infants in our arms.
No sacrifice, just joy!
And soon they take steps of their own –
our precious girls and boys.

They trust us so, and we in turn
don’t want to let them down
but we will fail, and they must learn
that God is God alone.

Reminded they’re just lent to us,
both for our joy and trust
and if we’d help them reach their goals,
show trust and hope we must.

Then comes the time to take hands off,
but heart-strings still hold fast;
and God keeps working, till one day
we’re satisfied, at last.

They find their niche in this wide world
by grace of God above,
and that is what it’s all about:
when they express God’s love.

Frank P. Nickel,
December 1980


(If you enjoyed this poem, feel free to browse the 200+ others at My Father's Poems.)

Photo Credit: Deposit Photos #8995377, standard license

A Dutch Lullaby by a Missouri Boy

I think I would have liked Eugene Field. We were both from Missouri (but born more than 100 years apart). His distinguished father was part of the counsel who represented Dred Scott in the famous lawsuit which indirectly helped spark the American Civil War.

Eugene, however, was known more as a prankster and partier before he settled down as a newspaper columnist and writer of beloved children's poems, including Little Boy Blue (not to be confused with the nursery rhyme) and Wynken, Blynken and Nod (originally titled "Dutch Lullaby"). A short biography of Eugene Field is here.

Many versions of the Dutch Lullaby were set to music by artists of the sixties and seventies. The following Silly Symphonies cartoon was released by Walt Disney Productions in 1938, It stylized the fishermen of the poem as three pyjama-clad children playing among the stars.



And here is a shorter, sweet version of the poem set to music by Donovan, recorded as the 14th track off the 1971 album "HMS Donovan."



Another musical setting was written by Lucy Simon, performed here with her sister Carly Simon in 1968.



Many of Field's works were accompanied by paintings from Maxfield Parrish, such as the 1902 illustration used at the top of this post. (Source: Wiki Commons)

I hope you enjoyed this little walk down memory lane, even if it is a new memory just discovered.

Do you have a favorite lullaby or nursery rhyme you'd like to share? Leave a comment below!