Why We Can Rest in All Circumstances

 

"To rest is to give up on worrying and fretting and the sense that there is something wrong with the world unless we are there to put it right." ~David Whyte

Recently, several people who have read blog posts from the archives, indicated that the words found here were a source of encouragement to them. This always reminds me that the purpose of this blog is to share how God is working and moving in my life. I can say with the apostle Peter, who declared to Jesus, "Lord, to whom would we go? Only you have the words of eternal life!"

So, my words, as such, are really not important. What is important is the story of God in our lives, which we can only express through our words. I believe when we share our stories, each of us gains a broader and deeper understanding of who God is and how those who diligently seek to know God will be rewarded.

I recently shared part of my story for Hope150, in conjunction with Canada's 150th Birthday celebrations. It involved revisiting a time when I had lost hope, then found it again in Christ. I found shame rising, even though I had dealt with all those emotions in counseling and in a peer-support recovery group. I had also dealt with the questions surrounding the poor choices I'd made and how that impacted those close to me.

I again realize these are questions that cannot be answered and cannot be changed. I have to leave each one at the foot of the cross and again asking God's covering of grace over the past and the strength of the Holy Spirit to move forward in obedience to the tasks in front of me today. It's a regular battle to let the past stay in the past, to be reminded that I cannot change anything that happened, that I can and must move forward in God's grace.

I expressed my feelings about this to my husband, and he gently suggested that "perhaps it's time to start telling a new story;" to tell the current story of God's work in my life and heart. It was a timely and appropriate challenge.

There's no other human being who is a witness to my life more closely than this man. He sees the ups and downs and he's a big reason why my paradigm has shifted significantly regarding my co-dependent tendencies, aka: my need to be needed and my compulsion to fix other people or situations. I'm grateful to know, as he lovingly reminds me, and as David Whyte affirms, that the world will go on even if I am not there to fix it.

My husband's influence has brought much healing, love and rest into my life. We are now both retired, and though that was initially disorienting, it is still good. We enjoy the freedom of working at our own pace on projects of interest to us, individually and together. We enjoy waking up slow over a cup of coffee and having meaningful (or goofy) conversations about all sorts of topics. We enjoy traveling, primarily by car; reading silently alone or out loud together; napping when the urge hits, in the recliner or the hammock (weather permitting); going to the gym and running errands in the middle of the day instead of on Saturday when everyone else is out and about.

So, the regular stress of working full time is gone.

Lest you envy us, please remember that we have paid our dues, so to speak, both having "worked" with our families from our youngest years and up until the time we entered our lengthy, demanding, full-time careers. We are grateful for the decline in pressure as our bodies begin to decline in physical capacity.

And lest you think life is all unicorns and rainbows, the other day, when I was still reeling from the adrenaline rush and emotional roller coaster of being interviewed, I was abruptly snapped back to reality by a very unpleasant encounter with an angry person. This is not something I want to relive or repeat.

Finally, we are not immune to disease. I am receiving regular updates regarding a brother who has now been in ICU for two weeks since a sudden acute illness required major surgery. We've been walking alongside a dear friend whose daughter has cancer and another friend who just lost his mother. I'm not yet pain free from knee surgery in March. It's draining, when every night one's sleep is interrupted by pain or discomfort. This is the reality of life. Many have it worse. I pray the Lord will increase my faith and stamina through whatever level of difficulty I have been asked to bear.

So, even in retirement, the challenge to live in the power of the Holy Spirit continues, and the clash seems to be escalating with the world, the flesh and the devil making an all out attack on my desire to follow the call to obedience and holiness. But there is no need to be afraid.

Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer! I have overcome the world."
Then he adds, and I close with this for you to meditate upon: "Lo, I am with you always." We can rest in that, always, in the middle of any storm.

Picture 1: Surveyors Lake, Kikomun Creek Provincial Park, BC, from my personal photos.
Picture 2: Quotefancy, accessed online June 25, 2017
Picture 3: @UpperRoom, accessed online June 25, 2017

What Do You Do All Day? (Part 2)

I’ve been finding myself in the fast lane with life flying by at breakneck speed. A year of marriage, higher piles to sort and file in the office, the to-do list growing exponentially greater and the primary question in my life being “How will I ever get it all done?” It was starting to stress me out this morning.

In fact, when a friend recently asked, “What do you do all day?” I was startled and a little insulted. I even blogged about it here. To be fair, this person was, perhaps, genuinely curious. She has no idea what my life looks like. She is stressfully employed, hard-working, socially active, and has a significant commitment to care for and support family members. While we have a number of things in common, my life looks nothing like hers and our temperaments and priorities are very different. My reality is, I’m busy All. The. Time. and I have absolutely no idea how I didn’t totally lose my mind when I was employed.

In truth, I don’t know how I did it.

A year ago, I began sensing God leading me to “Be still and know I am God.”

Be still? I had no time to be still.

I was working full time while still processing significant emotional fallout in the grief recovery process and making financial adjustments required due to my late husband’s suicide. I was actively engaged in a weekly cohort to become a Spiritual Director, attending women’s Bible study, overseeing necessary maintenance on my home and working out at the gym 3-4 times per week. I was giving back through mentorship of two women, assisting the choir director, speaking and singing on a semi-regular basis. I was committed to maintaining friendships, dating a new person, getting to know his friends, his family, and planning our wedding. All this, while trying to operate at peak performance in one of the most demanding positions I've ever held. The job was literally making me sick.

Through my work, I organized a “Holy Spirit Encounter” – a few days set aside to meet with God in a quiet setting in the mountains, engaging in quiet worship, learning to hear God’s voice through guided and personal meditation. During this time I sensed very clearly that I was to “Rest”. The scripture Matthew 11:28-30 spoke very clearly: "Come unto me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." I love how The Message translates this:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

I asked how this would be possible given my circumstances and the reply came “Don’t worry. Tell God what you need, be thankful for all He's already done and peace will follow,” (my loose paraphrase of Philippians 4:6-7).

God was saying, “I’ve got you.”

Within three weeks, after much prayer and discussion with my new husband, I resigned my paid job and gave up my seat in the Spiritual Direction cohort. For a few months, I rested and waited. It was the greatest relief of my life. I “worked” at getting healthy and being "still" - no easy task for one who battles adult A.D.D.

After a time, I was drawn to take a writing class – not "work" at all, but rather re-creation. Within a few weeks of the class commencing, I felt a clear and compelling “call” to write a book – something I never wanted to do, nor ever dreamed of doing.  In fact, I often joked I "didn’t have the attention span" to write a book, but God countered with, “You can write it, one word at a time.” I began to set long term and short term goals. And if it takes seven years, like one successful author I recently encountered, then, that’s still okay.

Yesterday, while attending a picnic, I spoke with a couple women who work at my church. One suggested a possible role in which I could volunteer and my response was, “I’m saying ‘No’ automatically to anything new,” (as this has been my determination since realizing how busy I am), but then I flippantly added, “unless money is involved.”

I don’t know why I added that.

I’ve always believed, “If money is the primary motivation, it’s likely that I’ll make the wrong decision.” It comes out of the scripture that teaches “the love of money is the root of all evil.” Not money itself, but the love of it. The preoccupation with money or with the lack of money. The reality for most of us is this: we don’t love money but we require it to obtain the things we need (food, clothing, transportation, education) and to do the things we enjoy (recreation, travel, entertainment) and so on.  Oh, I know there are some who do love money, but that’s not what this post is about.

From the moment I first became a widow, I sensed God saying, “I am your Provider.” And this is clearly evident to me – in every arena, not just financial – God provides. God has always provided, from my earliest childhood memories until today. Not just financially, but physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. It gives flesh and bones to the command that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart (emotions), soul (spirit), mind (intellect/philosophy), and strength (physical body). As I surrender all of me, God fills me in all these areas. As I spill my most precious things, my “alabaster jar” given out of love, God takes care of my needs. I empty myself to be filled up with God.

My off-hand remark about money yesterday was based in the question every artist faces: when do I give away my work, time or skills and when do I set a monetary value on them? This is a question every artist has to determine for themselves. The answer lies in relation to what I have budgeted, what I can afford or how I feel God is directing me to spend my resources. Sometimes it comes down to giving all you have, like the example Jesus gave of the widow’s mite. Others may be able to give much more out of their wealth, but she gave everything she had, and therefore, she gave more than anyone.

I know and understand why an organization sometimes hires staff to meet needs and sometimes they recruit unpaid volunteers. The church and many non-profit organizations are very dependent on members donating their time, skills, intelligence, ability, gifts – these are all valuable and irreplaceable – and most organizations cannot exist without them.

My responsibility is to budget how I spend my money and my time, how I give out of my "wealth" or "poverty". If I’m asked to volunteer, it’s a completely different question from being asked to do a job that pays. I donate my time and talents in many areas. I have no problem “working for free”. But when my time is already allocated and a new opportunity is presented, then saying “Yes” means I have to say “No” to something else. It’s a case-by-case decision. 

As it stands right now, my resources (time, money, talents) are fully committed, fully offered to the things I believe God has called me to do. I say “No” to new requests (paid or unpaid) so that I am able to continue saying “Yes” to what I’ve already determined is God’s will for my life at this time. And I know God can change it at any moment, so I hold my schedule loosely, with open hands.

So what do I do all day? Every day?

I say “Yes” to what's in front of me and do the next thing. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Photo credit: depositphotos.com #25224381, standard license

Journey of Faith

A friend asked this question and I thought it deserved a thoughtful answer.

Everyone has a 'journey of faith'. What is yours and my narrative? 
Describe it, with intellectual honesty.

My journey of faith is like a very long hike, following my guide, Jesus. The path sometimes feels like a scramble up a very steep, unstable slope. Rocks are falling from those who are ahead of me, and other times, these same folks reach back to lend a hand up and guide me to the best path around dangerous obstacles. I regularly consult the trail map (the Bible), travel with or simply confer with other followers of Jesus for the best routes and look for cairns left to mark the way. The path sometimes requires me to look down at my feet so I don't trip up and sometimes I look up to see my final destination.

There are many beautiful things I explore along the way, places and ideas I discover, I sometimes walk alongside others or stop for refreshment with a large group, and other times, I travel alone. The backpack of resources, memories, and burdens which I carry sometimes gets heavy. I have discarded some things along the way which I've outgrown, were mislabeled or weren't helpful any longer and I also picked up other resources along the path.

At times, I've relaxed beside quiet water, kicked off my boots, reflected on my journey so far, or even taken a nap. While the quiet moments of non-movement restore my soul, staying too long in one place on the faith journey is not healthy.

It's dangerous to travel alone. This mistake has cost me some painful tumbles in steep places where traversing alone was fool-hardy. There have been times my Guide, Jesus, has cautioned me not to go a particular route, but he won't stop me if I'm determined to go there. I've lost my sense of direction more than once when I didn't follow the One with the compass.

Ultimately, the majority of this interactive, dynamic, ever challenging journey involves steady, plodding, step-by-step movement toward eternity. Eugene Peterson calls this "a long obedience in the same direction."

Just like an aircraft has a flight path to which the pilot constantly must make course corrections to stay the course, my faith journey requires me to  keep in step with the Spirit, my eyes on Jesus and my heart fixed on the goal: the presence of God.

Sometimes this is obscured by cloud or darkness or my own blind determination to be self-sufficient. Sometimes I lose the path and need time to find it again. In those times, the voice I most long to hear is my Guide whispering "This is the way, walk in it." Sometimes I don't hear anything and then, I have to choose to continue walking, not doubting in the dark what I was shown in the light.

For we walk by faith and not by sight.

Photo credits: personal collection

Obedience Brings Blessing

There used to be a common fear that if one surrendered to God, they would be “sent to Africa” or to do the very worst job they could possibly imagine – that to serve meant the most distasteful sacrifice. This was countered on the opposite extreme by “prosperity gospel” – where the opposite message was preached, that if you followed God you’d be rewarded with whatever material possessions your heart desired.

Proponents of these opposite extremes have an entire arsenal of horror stories or happily-ever-after stories that support their particular position. With little effort, they also find segmented, out of context, misinterpreted scriptures that appear to bolster their viewpoint. Yes, some have gone to Africa. Some have lost their lives. And yes, some even have all the material things they have ever wanted.

However, God is neither an ogre nor a vending machine.

We are called to sacrifice and surrender, yes. And we know that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Light. But the motive for obedience, surrender and service is love - not self-flagellation or self-gratification. The motive is "not my will but Yours". The driving force of life is "Thy Kingdom come, on earth, as it is in heaven"; not just in my life but in the lives of all those I encounter.

“What happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.” ~ Galatians 5:22-23 (MSG)

“Obedience” means we allow the Spirit to live through us. We, as disciples of Christ, are to model the attitude of Christ (see Philippians2) who was God but set it aside to become a servant to his own creation. We set aside our demand to “do it my way”, release that tightly clenched grasp on my demand for a specific outcome and accept the idea that “blessings” extend far beyond simple material wealth or possessions. That blessing comes in many disguises.

Our personalities and skills are not obliterated; they are elevated and directed into use as our highest and best self. Through the power and presence of the Spirit of Christ: we live, move and have our being in ways that are infused, guided and marked by "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Who wouldn’t want this? There is no drama here! Read that list again! There are no laws against any of these things. And there is no fear in this kind of life. God is perfect Love, and being in the presence of this perfect love leaves no room for fear.

Please notice that in this list of the things we are promised - as the outgrowth of having the Spirit of Christ living, empowering and energizing our life - that there is no mention at all of material possessions.

It doesn’t mean we don’t or can’t have nice things. God knows what we have need of, and has promised to meet our need out of the infinite riches of heaven’s storehouse. But dare I say it? It can also mean that God may choose to strip away anything or any person, position, possession, place, appearance, or pattern of life that gets in the way of us knowing God, anything that sets itself up as its own god, anything that becomes more important in our life than the presence of God. 

Jesus said it: 

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” ~ Luke 9:23-25

Take up the cross daily? What does that mean? I believe the idea is that every day, I "die" to my own agenda, demands, preferences and wants and begin to learn, step by step, breath by breath to yield to the still, small voice of the Spirit that says, "This is the way, walk in it." I learn this by studying God's word, the Bible; by learning to listen to God in all the ways he speaks, by serving others, by meeting with others who are also learning to live in the Spirit of Christ, by caring properly for myself, my family, my tasks and my possessions as a good steward of what I have been given. Beyond this, I learn to see that my disappointments can become God's appointments. Wounds from others become the place where I learn to trust God. The worst circumstance of my life becomes a reservoir of wisdom that guides the remainder of my life. 

What is the biggest blessing, then?

God’s presence. The Spirit of Christ. In every circumstance, good or bad. My needs are met spiritually, relationally, materially, emotionally. I don’t earn any of this – it is freely offered to anyone who chooses to receive it. 

“So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”  ~ Romans 8:32-29 (MSG)

And this is surrender to Love. This is the blessing that comes after obedience to the call on our hearts to follow after Jesus Christ.

We are never alone, never separated from Love. No matter what. 

And you can take that to the bank.

Photo credit: depositphotos.com #8551214, standard license