Sword Handling

It's a small church in the centre of a very sleepy small town with a scattered group of faithful parishioners. The platform is, thankfully, barely half-a-step higher than the congregation and the sound system has so many patches it takes an hour to set everything up when our group of five leads the music. This particular day, the pastor/bass player tossed a microphone down the centre aisle of the multipurpose room lined with six rows of six chairs on each side. That was the second microphone found faulty today. Not that we really need the microphones-- for anything other than to hear each other in the monitors --it's not a big room. The sound system is only necessary for the guitars and keyboard, though an un-plugged session would work fine, and is their usual practice.

We come out from the mega church in the city for their encouragement, as it can feel very isolating to be a small group.We want to help them see they are part of a bigger whole of believers in this area. Our community outreach pastor also helps them out with resources they couldn't otherwise obtain. Yet, I gain even more encouragement every time I go. They are a sincere, hardworking, friendly group that carry on a conversation with the pastor during prayer request time, because they care for one another: "Please pray about (the grieving daughter) who's lost her mamma" and "the surgery (one of them) is facing," and "we were so excited to have 33 kids show up for the Sunday school Christmas party! But now we need more people to help out."

After the pastor introduces each of us (the four visiting musicians), and discusses our particular relatives that someone in the congregation might know, he proceeds to introduce each of the attendees by name to us, along with the role they fill in the body of Christ at that particular locale. It's not their normal practice, but Pastor Kevin is very relational and he knows we'll be back. He shepherds us all in helping everyone see we are not there just to sing but to build relationship.

The band leader had asked me to introduce the song "Awake My Soul" (by Chris Tomlin):

Breathe on me breath of God
I come alive when you breathe on me
Awake my soul
God, resurrect these bones
From death to life, through you alone
Awake my soul

Did you know if you Google "Scripture about breath" you'll get 22 million results? (Your results may vary). I pick "28 Bible verses about Breath Of God"-- most of which are about the Holy Spirit. Three of the passages sound really good, but when I read the context, they are words spoken from the mouths of suffering Job's friends. And we know how unhelpful they were. Even though a blind squirrel sometimes finds a nut, I don't want to use that judgmental crew's words out of context. It's folly to cram something forcefully into an inaccurate introduction on the true nature of God or our relationship to his life-giving breath.

Then the order of events change, and instead of an introduction, I'm now asked to make it a segue-way into the next song, "Be Thou My Vision." So the search continues for appropriate scripture and my final remarks go something like this:

"When we can't breathe, nothing else matters. Where there is breath there is life. And God's breath gives life. 1. We read in the creation account how God breathes life into Adam after he forms him from the dust (Genesis 2:7).  2. The song lyrics for "Awake My Soul" were taken, in part, from the passage where the prophet Ezekiel is instructed to speak to a valley of "dry bones" that God would breathe life into them so they would know he was the Lord (Exekiel 37:1-14). 3. Paul wrote Timothy that all scripture is inspired (breathed in) by God it is a living, profitable word (2 Timothy 3:16-17). So as we move into the next song, let it be our prayer: for God not only to give us breath and life, but also a clear vision of his Lordship and of how we are to live out the vision he has for us.

On the way home, Henry and I discuss all this, including the importance of recognizing the context of scriptural texts. We both know from our experience and training that not "every promise in the Book is mine" (with apologies to Pearl Spencer Smith). Some promises were made to a particular person or people at a specific time in a specific place. Segmenting scripture like an orange for the purpose of proof-texting, is giving scripture a self-serving meaning the writer did not intend. More folly.

This morning as Henry was reading out of Job, he paused and said to me, "Not everything written in the Bible is there for us to emulate," he says, "but it's all written for our instruction."  We continued our discussion from yesterday, and I looked up the source of that idea:

All Scripture is God-breathed 
and is useful for 
teaching, rebuking, correcting 
and training in righteousness, 
so that the servant of God 
may be thoroughly equipped 
for every good work.2 Timothy 3:16-17

All of scripture is for our benefit, but we have to read and understand what it actually says, not what we want it to say.

For the word of God is alive and powerful. 
It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, 
cutting between soul and spirit, 
between joint and marrow. 
It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

It is a living documentation of history, of God's interaction with people, and much more. It is also accurate to say God inspired the writers of the scripture to record what they wrote. While much of it reports on ungodly conduct and serves as a warning, much is also a guide for life and his plan for holy and fruitful living. The bottom line is, the Bible is a book about God, not about us. We must learn how to handle it properly, just like we would learn to handle a sharp sword.

What does it say, who wrote it and when, to whom was it written, where were they, what are the historical, cultural, and political influences of the time? These are observable facts you can state with certainty in most cases. Then you move on to interpretation. While observation leads to an accurate understanding of what the Word of God says, interpretation goes a step further and helps you understand what it means. Finally, you will learn to apply what you've learned. Just like when you were in school, if you learn concepts but don't practice them, you quickly forget what you learned.

If you'd be interested in becoming more effective in Bible study ("sword handling"), find a local study group. If you're in Calgary, join me at First Alliance Church for Tuesday Learning and Connection (TLC) to learn with others in a small group setting. Click here for details. If you are elsewhere, consider a study with Bible Study Fellowship or Precepts.  There may be others but these are reputable ones that are available nationally in USA, Canada, and abroad.

Let's continue growing in our knowledge and effectiveness together!

Finally, if you just don't know whether you believe the Bible, or the historical Jesus, or even in the existence of God, consider checking it all out at a local Alpha course. Alpha is an opportunity to explore life, faith and God in a friendly, open and informal environment. No cost, no pressure, and it usually comes with a free meal. Can't beat that! In Calgary, click here. Elsewhere? Click here and choose "Try Alpha" to locate a course in your area.




Photo 1: YouVersion
Photo 2: YouVersion
Photo 3: Dan Kiefer on Unsplash, Text Design by Joyce Rempel on WordSwag

Why We Should Sweat the Small Stuff

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, 
and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 
~Jesus (Luke 16:10)

This is a startling statement made by Jesus to those who think we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. What he makes very clear in this statement is that integrity matters in the details, in the mundane, in the hidden. How we conduct ourselves in trivial matters is an accurate predictor of how we will conduct ourselves in large things.

The great basketball coach John Wooden said, "The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching.”

Charles Haddon Spurgeon put it this way in 1876: "I think you may judge a man’s character by the persons whose affection he seeks. If you find a man seeking only the affection of those who are great, depend upon it he is ambitious and self-seeking; but when you observe that a man seeks the affection of those who can do nothing for him, but for whom he must do everything, you know that he is not seeking himself, but that pure benevolence sways his heart."

Other memorable quotes about character include:

"A man’s character is most evident by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or reciprocate." ~Paul Eldridge, novelist, 1948

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” ~Malcolm S. Forbes, publisher, 1972

Because of the times in which these quotes were written, the generic term "man" is used, but of course, this doesn't let women off the hook. Jesus' words, in the NIV translation, state clearly that this measure of character and integrity applies to human beings across the board, regardless of gender, age, or any other difference.

Wise King Solomon reminds us that character also is reflected in how we treat animals:  "The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel." (Proverbs 12:10)

Further teaching from Jesus also talks directly to not flaunting good deeds: "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:1-4)

This seems to contradict what Jesus said just a few moments before in Matthew 5:16: "...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  However, if we look at the immediate context, this is a concluding statement in an analogy of how his disciples are to be like salt and light, influencing others and improving situations by their consistent character and righteous behaviour.

Here's the entire paragraph: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

In the Matthew 6 statement, Jesus criticized those who were doing things for personal honor. In the Matthew 5 statement, Jesus indicates the purpose of good works is so God will be glorified. Why? Because everything good comes from Him (James 1:17), and anyone who claims to follow Him should reflect the character of Jesus, and of the Holy Spirit who lives in all true believers. God does not give us His Spirit so that we personally gain from it, but so that His glory is made plainly evident to all those who witness our lives.

It's not about me.

How I conduct myself, whether I am seen or unseen, in small things or large, should always be a reflection of the One whom I follow. Every task, no matter how (seemingly) insignificant, is an opportunity to do good and live right. What I do and how I respond becomes a habit, and habits become patterns that will determine how I conduct myself in weightier matters.

Prayer: Lord, I want to be faithful in the little things. I trust in Your strength to help me persevere and do what is right in even the most boring of circumstances, when I'm tempted to cut corners. Thank You for empowering me by Your Spirit to live in such a way, every day, every moment, that if anyone were to witness my actions at any time, they would say, "Glory to God! That person lives like Jesus."

My Story of Hope

In collaboration with #CanadaHope150, many people are sharing their stories of hope. A brief summary of my life (an interview with Les Moore) aired June 22 on AM700 The Light (CJLI). If you missed it live, you can listen by clicking HERE. Be sure to take time to listen to other stories of hope on the www.hope150.ca website.

This is not really about me, but rather it is the story of how God has carried me throughout life, in joy, in despair and everything in between. We are transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Sharing these stories with each other helps us see all the ways God heals, encourages, strengthens and leads. As followers of Jesus, we are not exempt from anything. What matters is our response to what happens and learning to trust God when we walk through trauma or through the valley of the shadow of death, or when we are in despair. There is always hope. The Lord is holding you even if you can't sense it. Hold on.

"Lord, to whom would we go? Only You have the words of eternal life." ~the Apostle Peter (John 6:68)

Christmas Eve

"One day, every trembling heart will face the same way."

This year we sang in choir for two of the four services at our church. My son and daughter-in-love are here, having arrived in time for my birthday and returning to their home on Christmas night as other family and a wedding commitment follow soon. We are quietly celebrating together with Henry's sons, another soul-daughter, and a buddy of one son whose own family doesn't have a Christmas eve tradition. He was with us last year too, we're so happy to make this an annual thing!

Rebecca is thrilled to have her first Christmas in Calgary, and got her wish that it would be a white christmas! It's been snowing all night and all day, snowfall warnings in effect, but it is so beautiful.

Last night we all four went to the Flames game vs. the Canucks and enjoyed high energy play with a home team win. Perfect prep to launch us into Christmas weekend with joy!

Andrew has taken ill, having been going a blistering pace with two jobs and attending university, plus recovering from concussion and whiplash from a major car collision eight weeks ago. His immune system must have noticed things had slowed down and decided influenza could come to visit. Bummer. Some turkey soup, tylenol and a good nap are the order of the day. In the meantime, Rebecca and I are sitting quietly listening to holiday music, sipping wine, as she works on a cross-stitch project.

My dear husband has his own long-standing family Christmas eve tradition: ordering take out Chinese food for Christmas eve supper. "I don't want you to have to cook, nor anyone to have to clean up after." We just want to enjoy each other and celebrate the season together over a meal.

Our tradition afterward is to gather around the tree and share gifts, beginning this year with my decidedly new tradition of giving tree ornaments that suit each person. I began last year by proposing to Andrew that we exchange ornaments annually that remind us of a memory we have shared together. This year I've added to my tradition the beginning of what will be annual, giving each person an ornament that reminds me of something I know about them, their interests or their personality.

Then the longstanding tradition from both families is to exchange gifts and perhaps play a few games or watch a favorite Christmas movie.

Tomorrow is our second year to serve as emcees for the annual Christmas Dinner at the church. One of our catering staff organizes volunteers who prepare a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, games, activities, and small gifts for about 300 people: anyone who is alone on Christmas day or can't afford to make a turkey dinner of their own. The guys from Teen Challenge come, single folks, bus loads from homeless shelters, and anyone else. Last year there was a musical family who sang and led us in carols. There was also a photographer who took Christmas portraits of all who wished to have one.

The snow continues to fall. I am grateful for the presence of Christ and the love of family and friends. I pray God's peace and joy will be yours in abundance this weekend and throughout the coming year. Thank you for being part of my life. You bless me in ways you will never know.

Election Epiphany

My election epiphany came Sunday night, watching the live stream of the prayer rally in Madison Square Gardens, led by Chris Tomlin, Matt Maher, Max Lucado and Louie Giglio.

When Louie began praying for Obama, then Clinton, then Trump, that God would bless them and give them wisdom, that he would surround them and make them wise leaders…

I realized, to my own shame, that as often as I have said we need to pray for our leaders, because the Bible tells us to, I didn't and I resisted what I heard Louie saying. I viewed them as my enemies. All evil.

I viewed the press the same way.

My realization is this: I feared "man" more than God.

The reality is this: These are human beings, loved by God. Christ died for each one of them. I need to love them - in humility and respect for the image bearer of God they were created to be and to pray against the influence of the enemy in their lives. All of them. Politicians and press alike.

Further, what if I prayed for every person that triggers my fear and anger? What if I talk to God about it instead of throwing my hands in the air, rolling my eyes, posting my view online, vowing to move or reaching for the wine?

God can and will work in this and every "unthinkable" situation for his glory and for the good of those who love him.

My only hope of change in my world is if I live by what I say I believe. And pray for them. See them as "us" and not "them".

The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

"Lord, to whom would we go? Only you have the words of eternal life." John 6:68



Photo credit: "Woman Kneeling in Prayer" - watercolor on paper by George Henry Boughton, on exhibit at The Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, MD. 

Some Days are Stone

I participated in a video project for our church, headed up by Shirley Thiessen. The project is called "Grieving with Hope." It's come time to view the finished project along with other participants, friends and family. I assume it's going to be a powerful film but I'm startled to realize I don't want to go to the screening.

This is the thing about grief and loss. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone. Some days life is so beautiful, I ache with the glorious joy of it all. Other days grief rises like a tsunami and I'm dashed against the rocks.

All of this - all of it, good and bad - is life and love and loss and recovery. 

There is no easy button. Some days I hang on to Jesus and when I've lost my grip, I discover Jesus holds me. Sometimes I'm held by Him through Henry, Andrew, Susan, Jean, Cathy, Peggy, Barb, Pamela, Cheryl, Pauline, Steve Wanda, John, Jim, Sheilia and hundreds more of you who pray and hug and care for me and for each other.

You know what happens as we walk together, bind up the broken-hearted, carry one another through the loss and dance together through the celebrations? Every breath, every step, every mundane moment of every day becomes a testament to hope and restoration.

All because of Love.

--------------------------------------------

Update: I decided, with my husband and two dear friends by my side, I could attend the screening after all. It spanned the gamut of emotions, as I expected, but I was able to resist the constant urge to bolt (or throw up). My part was small, in context of the film. When twelve people are interviewed for a 45 minute film about their very different journeys, every story (out of necessity) is abbreviated. The editor shapes the outcome toward his or her intended focus. This is the privilege and responsibility of filmmakers. I would tell the story in a different way because the journey and focus is unique to me. But the video is there, and it is out of my hands. As the photo quote at the top of this post affirms, "My brokenness is a better bridge for people than my pretend wholeness ever was." My prayer is that my story may be of some benefit to aid another on their own journey. It is the Spirit's work and the Spirit sifts it for Spirit purposes. Amen.

Obedience Brings Blessing

There used to be a common fear that if one surrendered to God, they would be “sent to Africa” or to do the very worst job they could possibly imagine – that to serve meant the most distasteful sacrifice. This was countered on the opposite extreme by “prosperity gospel” – where the opposite message was preached, that if you followed God you’d be rewarded with whatever material possessions your heart desired.

Proponents of these opposite extremes have an entire arsenal of horror stories or happily-ever-after stories that support their particular position. With little effort, they also find segmented, out of context, misinterpreted scriptures that appear to bolster their viewpoint. Yes, some have gone to Africa. Some have lost their lives. And yes, some even have all the material things they have ever wanted.

However, God is neither an ogre nor a vending machine.

We are called to sacrifice and surrender, yes. And we know that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Light. But the motive for obedience, surrender and service is love - not self-flagellation or self-gratification. The motive is "not my will but Yours". The driving force of life is "Thy Kingdom come, on earth, as it is in heaven"; not just in my life but in the lives of all those I encounter.

“What happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.” ~ Galatians 5:22-23 (MSG)

“Obedience” means we allow the Spirit to live through us. We, as disciples of Christ, are to model the attitude of Christ (see Philippians2) who was God but set it aside to become a servant to his own creation. We set aside our demand to “do it my way”, release that tightly clenched grasp on my demand for a specific outcome and accept the idea that “blessings” extend far beyond simple material wealth or possessions. That blessing comes in many disguises.

Our personalities and skills are not obliterated; they are elevated and directed into use as our highest and best self. Through the power and presence of the Spirit of Christ: we live, move and have our being in ways that are infused, guided and marked by "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Who wouldn’t want this? There is no drama here! Read that list again! There are no laws against any of these things. And there is no fear in this kind of life. God is perfect Love, and being in the presence of this perfect love leaves no room for fear.

Please notice that in this list of the things we are promised - as the outgrowth of having the Spirit of Christ living, empowering and energizing our life - that there is no mention at all of material possessions.

It doesn’t mean we don’t or can’t have nice things. God knows what we have need of, and has promised to meet our need out of the infinite riches of heaven’s storehouse. But dare I say it? It can also mean that God may choose to strip away anything or any person, position, possession, place, appearance, or pattern of life that gets in the way of us knowing God, anything that sets itself up as its own god, anything that becomes more important in our life than the presence of God. 

Jesus said it: 

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” ~ Luke 9:23-25

Take up the cross daily? What does that mean? I believe the idea is that every day, I "die" to my own agenda, demands, preferences and wants and begin to learn, step by step, breath by breath to yield to the still, small voice of the Spirit that says, "This is the way, walk in it." I learn this by studying God's word, the Bible; by learning to listen to God in all the ways he speaks, by serving others, by meeting with others who are also learning to live in the Spirit of Christ, by caring properly for myself, my family, my tasks and my possessions as a good steward of what I have been given. Beyond this, I learn to see that my disappointments can become God's appointments. Wounds from others become the place where I learn to trust God. The worst circumstance of my life becomes a reservoir of wisdom that guides the remainder of my life. 

What is the biggest blessing, then?

God’s presence. The Spirit of Christ. In every circumstance, good or bad. My needs are met spiritually, relationally, materially, emotionally. I don’t earn any of this – it is freely offered to anyone who chooses to receive it. 

“So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”  ~ Romans 8:32-29 (MSG)

And this is surrender to Love. This is the blessing that comes after obedience to the call on our hearts to follow after Jesus Christ.

We are never alone, never separated from Love. No matter what. 

And you can take that to the bank.

Photo credit: depositphotos.com #8551214, standard license

The Shack - a book review of sorts

Originally released in 2007, this book created quite a stir in certain circles. I wasn’t ready to read it then, for the simple stated reason that I refused to read fiction (but that’s another blog post for another time). Not even when one of my closest friends begged me to read it because she was desperate to discuss it with me, I held firm in my resolve. The deeper, underlying reason was that I was in a dark period of doubt regarding God’s love and goodness. I didn’t need some off-the-wall view of a different sort of divine presentation to mess with my carefully constructed fort of self-protection. I avoided mystery. I wanted “Just the facts, ma’am!”

The protagonist in the book, Mack, was a black and white kind of guy. A pretty average husband and father with average nice kids. He’d had some pretty painful experiences though, like many of us, as he was growing up and they colored his view of God. This was only compounded when his youngest daughter was kidnapped and murdered. The character development and this part of the story takes about the first eighty pages. His heart snapped shut to grace. He considers suicide. At this point in the book, the story turns to how he encounters God in a completely different form than his perceptions had previously allowed.

So how did I come to finally pick up this book? I started in a cohort to become a Spiritual Director. I began to engage in Listening Prayer. What startles me most is the very clear experience of hearing, sensing, seeing, feeling and encountering God in ways far different than anything I had previously known. 

My most significant encounter with God to date (which turned me on my ear) was immediately following Brent’s suicide. It was trauma, similar to Mack losing his daughter. But God’s presence was immediate: an aura of light, consuming love and promised provision were clear and physically tangible, coming and going over the next few days and weeks. I was held. My doubt was gone. God is good and God is love. I don’t understand it, but I’m willing to embrace the mystery. I am carried and cared for.

Since then, I have come to hunger for a more intimate knowledge of and relationship with this God who has made known to me the reality of Presence.

So, I thought, why not read the book? Why not stretch my imagination to include a God that might possibly show up in all sorts of unusual ways? After all, God's “ways are high about our ways" and God's "thoughts are not our thoughts.” And as it says in the book of Hebrews, “God spoke in diverse ways at diverse times”.

If you have trouble grasping the idea of a God that could show up as an older, pleasant, loving, black woman, or you read the book and hate it, Mack says “Sorry…but it wasn’t primarily written for you.” Then again, maybe it was.

I wasn’t ready for it in 2007. I was ready for it this week.

There’s a little bit of story and a lot of dialogue. As far as writing goes, there’s a lot more “telling” than “showing” but there is very descriptive language. There are some terrifying scenes involving a serial killer, kidnapping and the resulting devastation on a family. There are impossible to believe encounters with the Trinity in bodily form (remember, it’s fiction), and yet those encounters seem not only plausible but they articulate complicated truths and make them accessible in a way that goes far beyond any theologian I’ve ever heard wax eloquent in a pulpit or on a blog. It’s written respectfully and lovingly and I closed the book in awe-struck wonder, fresh with child-like faith at the possibilities of how God can reach into our world, come as a baby, grow up as a human, setting aside the right to exercise the power of deity and become our redeemer and life-giver.

Some of the questions about God’s appearance are the first subject to be addressed when Mack encounters the Trinity: “…I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature. If I choose to appear…as a man or a woman, it’s because I love you… To reveal myself as a large, white grandfather with a flowing beard, like Gandalf, would simply reinforce religious stereotypes.” (p. 94). Mack admits all his stereotypes of God were very white and very male, but because of his negative experience with his own father, he would have been resistant to God appearing as Father. That God appeared as a black female showed compassion and skirted Mack’s resistance to God’s love.

I’ll leave it to you to read the book to discover how God the Son and God the Holy Spirit take tangible form. Remember, this is the writer’s imagination and yet I found it intriguing and delightful to imagine along with him.

As I continue to read, I appreciate the dialogue and interactions between Mack and the members of the Trinity. Mack, of course, can’t believe what is happening. Yet, the author creates a warm and welcoming series of scenarios in which I found it quite easy to imagine myself in Mack’s place.

There are well-articulated explanations on all sorts of subjects. I began making notes, because I want to be able to go back and reference some of the quotes on these various subjects: the humanity of Jesus,  the concept of “being” vs. external appearance; how God’s sovereignty and human free will intertwine and happily co-exist; punishment vs. discipline; the problem of evil, pain and suffering; man’s independence from God exercised in creating power-based institutions like religion, politics and economics; true freedom, the appropriate place for judgment; the nature of heaven; and so much more.

I have learned long ago that God, the creator of the universe, the one who knows my name and numbers the hairs of my head is far beyond my understanding. I cannot create God in my image and no one on earth can conceive the expanse of God’s character, form and being.

What I do know is that God is a verb. Active, living, dynamic. And God is a noun. Three persons, distinct yet One. The trinity has invited me into fellowship. Christ has given me his life. The Holy Spirit is present in me, with me, around me, working through me to live the perfect life of Christ out of my humanity. God speaks and I want to tune in to hear; to surrender to this Love, this Goodness.

This gives me great confidence and I often sing and speak out of these truths. I am learning to rest and wait on the Lord, depending on the leading of the Spirit in both large and small ways. Do I have it figured out? Ha. No way! I still have bouts of fear, on occasion, in short bursts. Anxiety triggered by a current event that causes fixation on what should be a simple, uncomplicated issue which I cannot comprehend. I make choices or speak words that may hurt others, unintentionally, when I act out of my core issues of abandonment, insignificance, unworthiness. But I’m learning to tell myself the truth: that God is with always with me, God is especially fond of me (and of you), and considered me (and you) worthy of redemption. Most importantly, I am surrendering to God’s love, opening my heart and mind to God’s truth through the scriptures, through my pastors and counselors, through my spouse and friends, through nature, through circumstances (both satisfying and difficult) and through stories like The Shack.

But most intimate of all, in addition to all of these, God speaks to me in personal relationship, through listening prayer, through meditation, through impressions, through imagination, through reason, through feelings, and sometimes through dreams.

“I am come that you might have life, and have it to the full,” Jesus said.

So, while I have breath, my prayer was, is and always will be, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth (in me, right now, here, today) as it is in heaven.”

The best way – the only way – to know God is to be in relationship.

If you are curious, read the book. Visit the website. Read what others think. Read what the author has to say.

As for me, I’m just a girl, standing here in front of you, asking you to believe God loves you and that God is not at all what or who you think. This book might just help you understand why.

But if you don't like it or don't get it, that's okay. God will go to any length down any road to find you. And when that happens, I kind of suspect you may just find everything you've been looking for.

Blessings,

Joyce

Light

This is the transcript of a devotional talk I gave tonight to the First Alliance Church Photography Group monthly meeting. I post it here by request for those who wish to read it again.



Q:  On which day of creation, according to scripture, did God create light?

A:  In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.  Genesis 1:1-5

He separated light from dark, it says. What does that even mean? How would they have been merged together except in shadow? Was it always dusk?

Q: On which day did God create the sun, moon, and stars?

A:  And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

Light existed before the sun. 

Light existed without the sun. 

In the King James translation of the Bible, there are over 300 verses that contain one or more occurrences of the word “light”. Here is a key verse:

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:15)

Light is an integral part of photography. Without light there is nothing to see, nothing to photograph. As photographers, we must constantly be attentive to the exposure to light. Without light, there is only dark, but with the proper exposure, we can see and capture the most minimal and elusive light.

The Psalmist says to God, “For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.” (Psalm 36:9 NIV) or as another translation puts it, "(You are) the light by which we see.” (NLT)

Light is required to bring out the greatest beauty of certain works of art, such as oil paintings or stained glass. A spotlight on an oil painting, sunlight through stained glass. No matter how gifted the artistry and beautiful the art, it takes light streaming through it or on it to bring out its glory. (1)  This applies spiritually as well.

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Once again in this verse, we see light and dark separated. Jesus, the son of God, separates the light from the darkness.

How are stained glass windows made? They are made of broken pieces, fused together, to make a finished whole more beautiful than its parts. “Each of us is a stained-glass window. Jesus is that Light.” (1)

But a warning comes to us from the Apostle John who writes: “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” (John 3:20 NIV)

With the right exposure on our cameras, even the darkest places can be illuminated enough for us to see what is hidden in the darkness. I would like to suggest the same goes for the exposure that the light of Christ brings into our lives. Our original beauty goes back to the garden, when God created light, he said it was good. Every day when God created, he called that creation good. But on the day he created man and woman, he said it was "very good." In our broken world and our broken humanity, in the middle of the the muddied and muddled glass of our lives, there are times when our original beauty is dimmed by sin or by shame or by hiding.

Yet, as photographers we all know that darkness can accentuate the light. It brings drama and power to our compositions. The same is true for life.

How can you appreciate light if you have never known the fear of darkness? How can you appreciate love if you have never known the absence of it? How can you know what it is to be found if you have never been lost? How can you know mercy if you have never needed it? (2)

The darkness shows us our need for light but we were never designed to stay in darkness. Jesus says we are called to be different: “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9)

He has called you out of darkness into light. 

In his light we see light. Jesus is the light by which we see. His light can be refused, refracted or reflected. What will you do with Jesus, The Light of the world?

Choose life. Choose light.

(1) Inspired by a quote by Leonard Sweet
(2) John Fischer, The Catch, January 10, 2014: "When Angels Fold Their Wings"

Related posts: 
How the Light Gets In
Light, Reflection, Shadow

The Hard Part

My late husband suffered from depression and anxiety. He managed it well most of his life through self-control, hard work and tenacity, living a full and productive life, maintaining great relationships and attaining a modicum of success in his career in such a way that most people would never have known. Eventually, though, it got the better of him.

I've actually been asked questions like, "Which came first, anxiety or depression?" and "Was it a chemical imbalance, or was it flawed thinking?" and in less personal ways, those who experience mental health issues have faced the judgmental question, "Why couldn't you just trust Jesus?" These questions are all unhelpful and have no clear answer.

If you've even barely experienced this personally, you likely understand that there's no clear answer. You feel a little blue one day and don't perform as well as you would like. It continues longer than usual and you begin to get anxious about it. Then you become more discouraged because you are so uptight. As Christians, some of us were raised with the expectation that if we "just trust Jesus," we won't be depressed. I looked around at my life and all my physical and material comforts and thought, "My life is great, I have everything I need and more, there is NO reason why I should be unhappy." This leads to feelings of guilt for feeling sad and questions rise about my level of faith, chalking this up as just one more way I was falling short in my life. Shame and self-condemnation increase our feelings of failure, which brings more despondency, which creates anxiety, and thus begins a cycle that rapidly goes down a very dark path.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether depression or anxiety came first for me, or what caused things to spiral out of control. They both existed and they both grew.

Brent experienced a depression so dark and an anxiety so great that his mind began to convince him there was something wrong that couldn't be fixed. His general thought was, "Why seek medical help? Why take medication? Why consider psychological counselling? What's the point? I'm broken and I can't be fixed." This hopelessness shows in retrospect how much the disease had already changed his perception of reality.

An all-too-common catch phrase in certain Christian denominations is: "Jesus plus nothing." This has been erroneously used as an argument against seeking medical or psychological assistance for mental or emotional health issues. While it is true in the doctrine of salvation: it is through trusting Jesus alone that we receive salvation, it is not true with respect to the healing of physical or emotional illness. Insisting it is "Jesus plus nothing" for a broken leg, diabetes, or other physical ailments? This would be irresponsible. It is just as wrong to insist this is a rule regarding mental/emotional health.

God has provided science and medicine to assist in dealing with health issues of the body and mind. In our practical human experience, we need the community of professionals who are trained and familiar with the realities of our physical bodies, including the inter-workings of our brain, and the expert training of doctors who have expertise in these areas.

We are bearers of God's image. We are instructed in the scriptures to love God with all our heart (emotions), soul (spirit), mind (brain/intellect) and strength (body). Thus, we practice responsible stewardship and self-care in all these areas, in how we treat our physical bodies (how we care for them, what we put into them or on them, whether we get sufficient rest and proper nutrition, protecting ourselves from stress or overwork, etc.). While our thoughts and emotions can affect our physical body, our bodies can also affect our thoughts and emotions, and our spiritual condition can as well. It is all so integrated, we need a balanced and holistic approach, along with spiritual practices of worship, gratitude, prayer, and study of God's word. Relying on wisdom and discernment from the Holy Spirit in how we live our daily lives.

We are complex and amazing creatures. To say we could do all the right things and visit all the right medical, psychological or spiritual "experts" in order to be healed is to be foolish and presumptive. But if we are in that dark spiral, losing hope, we absolutely need to seek assistance. If you are there, do whatever you can to seek assistance in dealing with your particular situation. Ask a friend. Ask your doctor.

Please, do this. For God's sake and the sake of those who love you. 

I Shall Not Want

Today was a phenomenal time in my church community. Over 40 people were baptized this weekend in three services. Attending church services alone is a challenge and somewhat of a distraction that I must overcome to fully enter into an attitude of worship. I’ve begun making arrangements ahead of time to meet up and sit with another woman and this has been a support and encouragement for us both.

Today, I really felt the Lord speak to me through the songs and the retelling of the gospel through the eyes of Pastor Brad Young. Most Sundays, I sense the Lord speak through some word of encouragement, affirmation or challenge from the scripture. Today, however, was one of those rare moments of clarity, nothing short of an epiphany (albeit an obvious one) I had simply missed until now.

First, some background. When discussing the loneliness that undeniably results from losing a spouse, the question comes, “If you had opportunity, would you marry again?” I don't do well with hypothetical questions at the best of times, and this is difficult to know. I'm still deep in the grief journey and though I miss the companionship and intimacy, I would certainly not consider it again for quite some time. There is much healing that needs to happen before I could be whole enough to enter another relationship. As I told a friend, “Perhaps, God willing, my life may include someone, at some point, who will be free to receive all I have to give and be able to return the same.”

As I examine that statement honestly, the scales seem weighted more heavily on the second part: someone who can give fully of himself. I blush at my egocentricity. If any of us come to a relationship, friendship or marriage from the point of our own need, it is practically doomed from the beginning. Some of us may cling to a romanticized notion of finding that one person who “completes” us. These expectations are often based on a Disneyized distortion that my spouse's primary role is to ensure I live "happily ever after". This ignores the reality of living in a fallen world. Too often, when the lustre and newness wear off, these unrealistic expectations bring disappointment, criticism, disillusionment, resentment and eventually (half the time), divorce.

Only Christ completes me. 

I know this, theologically, but I’m still learning what it means experientially to be complete in Christ. I have been seeking for some time to live in wholeness, but this is a process of growth and maturity that simply takes time. There is SO much more depth to plumb in my intimacy with the Lord, to freely allow the Spirit’s voice and presence to be a constant reality and to surrender to God’s overwhelming love.

It is an unreasonable standard to expect another person to “receive all I have to give and return the same”. An impossible dream and an onerous burden to lay on anyone's shoulders. Today in our worship time, the Lord made it very clear to me:

“I am the One and Only who is free to receive all you have to give and I return far more than you could ever imagine.”

Oswald Chambers writes that God’s purpose in using loss and dark clouds in our life is "to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child— a relationship simply between God and our own souls, where other people are but shadows." (italics mine)

Can I come to this place in my life, where I am so taken with God that "the things (and people) of this world grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace"? God is so much more than simply a provider of good gifts, so far beyond being a supplier of goods and services or a divine matchmaker. He doesn't just give us what we ask, he is the great I Am. Emmanuel, God with us. Sometimes, in wisdom, he may withhold what we ask so that he can give us what we truly need:

He gives us Himself.

He is the only one worthy to receive all we have to give. And he will not stand by while we chase after people (or things or activities) to fill the longing of our heart which only he knows. That inconsolable longing only he is able to meet - far beyond our wildest imaginings.

My Prince has come.

The Lonesome Valley

This is a tough day.  A kick-you-in-the-teeth kind of day. Could you sit down with me over a cup of coffee, and just listen with compassion for a couple minutes?

Things I needed from others weren’t forthcoming. (Everybody’s busy. I get that.) My request regarding working hours has virtually been denied. (They don’t really know what I do but they’re sure I’m the only one who can do it. I should feel complimented.) I’m dealing with unpredictable performance from my computer. (That’s no one's fault.) The backlog of work is piling up. (It is the busy season.)

Everybody has bad days. I know that. Every organization has its operating requirements they have to meet. I understand that. But today, I came so close to firing off a resignation letter, putting the house up for sale and taking off into the wild with the fast little red car.

I didn’t.

I’m being responsible. Patient. Holding on. Digging deep. Finding true grit. Hitting the bottom and finding it’s solid. My hope is built on the strong and sure foundation of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I’m also holding tight to the very helpful and pragmatic instruction to not make any significant changes in the first year after my husband’s death. Most days this is a really good boundary and suitable criteria. But today? It's not easy. No one promised it would be. I feel like a big part of me is getting lost.

Then I come home and check out Facebook. Update after update reminds me of Brent. A song here, a blog post there, a status update, even a joke. They all remind me of how life breaks down the spirit. How a lack of appreciation wears down the perseverance. How hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12). How an absence of affirmation carves a deep crevice in your confidence like pounding water over time can carve a deep channel in stone.

Even when I know God works in all things for the good of those who love Him, it’s hard to keep moving under the heavy burden some days.

There is a traditional Spiritual that comes to mind:  

Jesus walked this lonesome valley. He had to walk it by Himself; O, nobody else could walk it for Him, He had to walk it by Himself.
We must walk this lonesome valley, We have to walk it by ourselves; O, nobody else can walk it for us, We have to walk it by ourselves.
You must go and stand your trial, You have to stand it by yourself, O, nobody else can stand it for you, You have to stand it by yourself.

So I can either sit here and milk all the melancholy out of the day, slip deeper into darkness, count all the things I lack or I can begin counting my blessings one by one and cling to the truth of God’s word that reminds me “this world is not my home, I’m just passing through.”

Though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and staff comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. (Phil. 1:6)

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  (James 1:12)

Lord, to whom should we go? Only You have the words of eternal life. (John 6:68)

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:4-5)

Am I grieving? Yes. It's okay not to be okay. But I'm also normal. I have some good times. When I'm down like this, do I seek pity? Absolutely not. Do I want your prayer? Absolutely, yes. Am I down and in darkness? I know this too shall pass. I look to the Light. To the one who is Life. I tell myself the truth from the very words of the One who is the Way, the Truth and the Life:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Thank you for being there, too. The path doesn't feel so lonely any more.

Deja Vu

This morning as I returned to work on the one month anniversary of when Brent caught the train to heaven, I was startled to see a replay of a blazing orange sunrise and pink reflection on the snow-covered mountains - a picture almost identical to what I posted right before the police arrived at my office Dec. 7. In that moment, I felt the Lord whisper: "I am the same, yesterday, today and forever. You are held by my mighty right hand."

The Perfect Man

I've found the best friend ever. 

I don't have to stay up late on FB waiting for him to show up. He's always got an open chat window, waiting for me to reply. 

I don't have to worry about interrupting him during a meeting with someone more important. He tells me to come boldly, knock loudly; he always answers and he's delighted to see me.  
Sometimes I'm so needy. He simply says, "I can fix that."

He never rolls his eyes or snorts in disgust.  Even when I don't have a clue, he says, "I'll teach you."

When I look at him and ask "What now?" he never shrugs. He says, "Let's play follow the leader." He proceeds to show me how to hike in high places and then we relax in lush green grass beside still water. It's then that he pulls out the picnic basket and we eat our fill.

When it feels like the world is falling apart, he reassures me, "It's gonna be alright. I promise."

Sometimes I ask him to explain himself. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he says, "It's complicated." Sometimes he just takes my hand and says, "Trust me."

When I'm not so sure about things, he answers, "I am."

He is so humble and unassuming, but wow, is he ever creative!  Wherever I turn, I see his astonishing artwork. "I made that for you," he smiles, "do you like it?"

When I'm really hurting, he wraps his arms around me tight, rocks back and forth, whispering, "I know how much it hurts, I've been there." He shows me his scars. 

He is patient and kind, never brags or complains. He's not irritable. He never brings up my past mistakes. He never throws in the towel. He cheers at stories where the truth wins out. 

Wherever I go, he checks it out first.   He always knows how to get where he's going - without a GPS. Something his father taught him. 

We are on a treasure hunt and he's hidden clues and surprises everywhere. 

He tells me to enjoy it all and when I wonder, "Will there be enough?" He answers, "I am."

And he is.