Of Judges and Poetry

Last evening I shared some of my poetry at Alexandra Writer's open mic night. It was the first time I read aloud for those who do not know me and have no context to my life. For any writer, the fear of rejection must be confronted or it will paralyze us. But I did share the following poem that challenges any who would judge... it provides me always with pause, should I be tempted to judge... And now, don't blink, or you might miss the poem. It's shorter than this intro.



Easy vs. Hard

the easiest thing
and the laziest
is to watch
read
listen
and judge

the hardest is
to do better




Originally posted here.
Picture: depositphotos.com #39196783, standard license

Election Epiphany

My election epiphany came Sunday night, watching the live stream of the prayer rally in Madison Square Gardens, led by Chris Tomlin, Matt Maher, Max Lucado and Louie Giglio.

When Louie began praying for Obama, then Clinton, then Trump, that God would bless them and give them wisdom, that he would surround them and make them wise leaders…

I realized, to my own shame, that as often as I have said we need to pray for our leaders, because the Bible tells us to, I didn't and I resisted what I heard Louie saying. I viewed them as my enemies. All evil.

I viewed the press the same way.

My realization is this: I feared "man" more than God.

The reality is this: These are human beings, loved by God. Christ died for each one of them. I need to love them - in humility and respect for the image bearer of God they were created to be and to pray against the influence of the enemy in their lives. All of them. Politicians and press alike.

Further, what if I prayed for every person that triggers my fear and anger? What if I talk to God about it instead of throwing my hands in the air, rolling my eyes, posting my view online, vowing to move or reaching for the wine?

God can and will work in this and every "unthinkable" situation for his glory and for the good of those who love him.

My only hope of change in my world is if I live by what I say I believe. And pray for them. See them as "us" and not "them".

The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

"Lord, to whom would we go? Only you have the words of eternal life." John 6:68



Photo credit: "Woman Kneeling in Prayer" - watercolor on paper by George Henry Boughton, on exhibit at The Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, MD. 

Not Good Friday

I almost wore the top today that I wore the day he died. It is Friday, just like that day. But it looked weird so I changed. Then I got the call this afternoon. Ugh. Another horrible news day.

“It’s a rare form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”

My friend went went through her notes, mechanically reporting them to me because that’s the efficient person she is, making sure the necessary information is shared. Her husband is my friend, too. He’s a young 74 and the kindest man my husband and I have ever known. Together, they stood beside me at the medical examiner’s office as I identified my husband’s body. We are that close. We’ve grieved her sister’s husband and mine, now her husband’s cancer.

Her voice trembles uncharacteristically as she describes the rough manner of the oncologist and we realize without saying that she does not want to join me in widowhood. I give my head a shake. I shouldn’t think of worst case. Not yet. Not now. It is too soon to even go there. We will storm heaven and we will pray for healing. We will bring meals and hold each other close and say the things that need to be said and we will wash dishes and wash clothes and wash our faces after we have wept all night. This is the first step on a journey God knew before the foundation of time.

I search for words as we close our conversation and give her the caring cautions that I have learned over the last seven months.

“You need to remember to breathe,” I coach. “If you can, try to eat something nutritious. This is the time when you won’t feel like it, but you’ll need it for your strength. And try to rest, whenever you have opportunity. It is so important to practice self-care so that you can walk alongside him in this journey.”

She knows all this. I have long looked up to her as the consummate, all-together, mature, organized, brilliant, disciplined woman. The one who always takes care of things and makes sure everyone is included and cared for. She is top of the list in women I respect.

But I hear the edge of anger, understandably, at the poor bedside manner of the oncologist. Dealing with some of the worst possible news, you would think a professional could be more sensitive. Yes, he should be. He is, however, the lightning rod for the anger born of shock and fear at what will be a very challenging journey. A little tenderness would have cost him nothing.

I think of the one person who became the lightning rod at my husband’s death. “Remember,” I share with my friend, “That person is living in darkness. The only way he will see Light is if we share the light of Christ through our lives.”

She knows. “You’ve been here,” she says, “learning these lessons, haven’t you?”

These are lessons I didn't want to learn. They come out of necessity. They are necessary for survival and I must repeat them to myself every single day, I tell her. Remember to breathe. Remember to eat. Remember to sleep. Remember to love and shine and be kind. And remember to feel. Let yourself feel. Let yourself cry. It’s part of the journey. And remember to let yourself be loved, especially by the One who calls you His beloved.

The doctors and specialists have fast-tracked this. The tumour is inoperable, too risky, growing fast and pressing on his voice box. Radiation and chemo will start as soon as a treatment plan is established. The Tom Baker Cancer Centre is the next stop on Tuesday.

All my lessons learned of the grace of grief come flooding over me and I think, dear God, this is too much. Yet, I hear His voice saying this was no surprise:

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 

Psalm 139:16

“I will be there for whatever you ask,” I reassure my friend. I have been through the lonesome valley and were it not for this couple, the journey would have been much darker. God will turn my misery into ministry and the favour I could never repay is now coming to fruition. I will stand with my friends, I will pray with them, weep with them, storm heaven with them, and hold them close.

And now, I beg you. Pray along with me as I walk this new journey with my dear friends. For healing, wisdom and strength. That the Love of God would be poured out in our hearts.

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all.

Jesus, Lamb of God,

Worthy is your name.

When I fall down You pick me up

When I am dry You fill my cup

You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God

Worthy is Your name

Words by Dennis Jernigan

Viral Videos and a Reasoned Response

There is a current video going viral whose stated purpose is to raise awareness of something that is horrific, yet the organization is advocating violence as a resolution. They are selling merchandise to "raise awareness" - but it's not clear how much of the money they make actually goes to help those who are being exploited. I personally don't advocate violence and murder (even of criminals) as a viable solution to crime, but some say it's better than nothing. I don't agree and I won't support someone who advocates violence to stop violence, no matter how persuasive their movies are.

As for an ongoing response to anything viral, I have a few recommendations:

1. Don't let your heart run away with your common sense. Be careful about "awareness" campaigns that appeal strongly to emotions and, on the surface, appear to be quoting facts, but don't offer much in documentation or alternate sources beyond their own statements.

2. Check facts before you share. If you can't check the facts, don't share. That's gossip, hearsay, and it's how all hoaxes are propagated.

3. Sensationalized situations often result in hysterical or knee-jerk reactions that are not well coordinated. The Bible instructs us that things are to be done "decently and in order". Go to organizations who have effective ministries established in the affected areas and ask their assistance or input to the situation. Top of the list are the International Justice Mission, Compassion International and World Vision.

4. Pray for the oppressed. Pray that God's justice will reign.

5. Don't be manipulated by other's opinions or fall prey to "false guilt" that leads you to do something or support something you haven't fully checked out. If they can't respect your need to do your homework before you jump on the bandwagon, then be very suspicious of their motives. Anyone that lays a guilt trip on you isn't a true friend.

5. If you feel that you want to support an organization because their cause and approach is something with which you agree and you have the financial resources to do so; then pray about it and consult wise advisors. If God gives you release to do it, then by all means, support them. That is an individual choice, and you must be discerning and determine God's will in the matter for yourself.

6. Don't get side tracked by rabbit trails down the path to every "worthy" cause in the world and instead, focus on what is in front of you to do right now. Does your kid need a hug? Does that stack of papers need to be filed? Dishes or clothes washed? Phone call made? Whatever you've been putting off, just DO it.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7


Question: How do you tend to react to emotional appeals? What steps do you take before you give of your time or resources to a crisis response? (Answer by clicking on "Comments" below or link to your own post).

Fearless? But How?

My weekly small group of dear women met today, a bit smaller than usual but we shared sweet conversation around candlelight and warm laughter, despite the rainy afternoon. We've challenged each other with "assignments" to do something creative around specific words. Our first project was based on the word "soar." Carole created a quilted bird ornament, with various symbols integrated to represent how we soar in the Spirit. Barb did a graphic representation, another had a set of scripture verses that included the word "soar."

Today's word was "Fearless." Here's an acronym based on scriptures beginning with each letter. Scriptures that dispel fear:

F = Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

E = Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

A = All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness... 2 Tim. 3:16

R = Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Phil. 4:4

L = Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Deut. 6:5

E = Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:4-5

S = Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Isaiah 55:6

S = Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Psalm 105:2

Hall of Shadows

This creepy, weird looking hallway is the corridor one has to walk when the doctor orders an X-ray. I almost expect Loonie Tunes characters to chase each other in and out of the doors.

It's in the basement of a shopping mall. Looking down that hall while hearing the echoes of Christmas shoppers fade into the background, well... 'twas like Twilight Zone.

And I think upon leaving how the spectre's shadow falls on the one whose X-ray technician suddenly goes silent.

Letting Go

My son is a freestyle skier.  He competed provincially last year.  In order to do aerials in competition, he has to qualify first on water ramp, then on snow.  This past weekend was my first exposure to water ramp. 

I drove him and his best friend to Red Deer (even though I was working on a publishing deadline and couldn't really afford the time, I still want to give him everything I can).  As we meandered along the riverside road, these monoliths came into view.  My heart rocketed to my throat, bounced off and landed like a boulder in the pit of my stomach.

He was so excited I couldn't say a word.  This is what he wants, this is what he loves. The adrenaline was pumping for us both - for two very different reasons.  As I left him there, I thought I should memorialize the location, just in case he did bite the big one.

In case you can't quite get the perspective on how high and steep these ramps are, see if you can spot the people standing on the dock just to the left of the jumps.  Or the cars on the road.  Yeah. My boy skied that.  And he front flipped from them too.

He's back home.  Happy.

That makes two of us.