One Word 2020

Do you have One Word for 2020? It is a personal choice to find, choose, or receive a theme for the year that is represented by one word. Resolutions don’t work for most people, but many have found that #OneWord gives them the focus and simple clarity to make sustained life change over the coming year. If you'd like to know more, click here.

My one word for 2020 is "healing." This word surfaced for me during a sermon at our church, called "Beyond Confession" where Kyle Trigg led us through a type of year end "Examen". During the four step contemplative process, we were to individually ask ourselves various questions and listen to what the Holy Spirit was impressing on us. (If you'd like to step through this exercise, Pastor Trigg begins his message at the 13:04 mark of this video. Allow about an hour.) 

One of the questions was about "what I need" for the coming year. Spontaneously, I prayed, "Lord, I need you to heal my heart." Tears followed so quickly, I realized in that split second, God had gifted me with understanding there are deep parts of me that need healing. Emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual wounds exist. I have some in each area. In the same moment, he opened my eyes to several people in my circle who are in the same place, in need of personal healing. 

The scripture teaches we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart (emotional), soul (spiritual), mind (mental), and strength (physical). It's my conclusion over my 62 years, that if there are broken parts in any of these areas, it can be a barrier to loving God fully. 

So this year, I'm focusing my attention on healing.

Past Words

Previous words in past years have included gratitude, presence, love, good, depth and trust. Each year the word is different and reflects the context of my life at that time. Here are brief descriptors of how some of these words were chosen.

2015: Presence

Living present in this moment, today. Instead of making a future list of what needs to go away or come to your life, promise yourself only one thing this year: be present. Speak it only to yourself. Promises and goals spoken out loud trick the brain into thinking we've already accomplished what we've spoken and so we neglect to do the work necessary to actually keep our promise. Just whisper it to yourself: "Be present". In every moment, in every situation, in every joy, with every difficult person: be present, focused, attentive, fully engaged. Make this agreement with yourself. Honour yourself enough to keep your own solemn vow.

Release what you must.
Receive all that comes.
It’s the present.

2017: Good

As many people look back on the prior year, they seem to focus on the bad things that happened. “What a horrible year it was,” they lament. They list all the celebrities that died, the natural disasters, statistics on crime. Even "News" outlets have become purveyors of bad news to the point of fear mongering.

It's easy for me to do the same thing on a smaller scale. Whether it's my own thoughts, negative narrative, self-talk, the inner mean girl, the enemy of my soul, or sub-conscious fears and anxiety; negative perspectives creep into my consciousness (especially at night) and point out all the catastrophic things that can come of imagined realities. The thing is, whatever you focus upon, grows. Whatever you're looking for, you will find. So I have a choice: I can focus on worst case scenarios, or I can choose to tell myself the truth and seek out what is good.

Whatever you are looking for, you will find 

If you continue to look for evidence that things are bad, there’s plenty out there. I also know if you look for things that are good, there’s even more evidence of that. Here's some initial thoughts:

God is good.

The first recorded words from God were “It is good.”

God withholds no good thing from us. (Good by God’s definition, not mine).

God has shown us what is good: to seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with God.

Look for the good, because whatever you are looking for, you will find.

Assume good will.

That’s good. 

Be good.

2018: Depth

This word came to me like a gift even before my birthday in December. It was inspired by this article: Go Deeper, Not Wider.

2019: Trust

Late in 2018, through several significant events, I noticed myself saying frequently, "I just find it really hard to trust people." As it became a pattern, I wondered, is it only other people I can't trust or does it go deeper? Is it based in a hesitation to trust myself? Or is it possible that I am unwilling to trust God?

As I sat with that thought over the next few weeks, I realized the struggle was real and the Holy Spirit was prompting me to attend to this matter in a very intentional way. What better way than to make "trust" my One Word for 2019? I began preparing my heart by looking in, while at the same time, attending to the places where trust was mentioned, or where I felt a struggle to trust people or God. I detailed some of these in my January 1, 2019 blog post.


Choosing your own One Word

Please remember, these are some of the words and ways God has spoken into my life in a language I can understand. God may speak in different ways and means to you. If you come to God with open hands, listening for guidance, pay attention to what surfaces. There is no one right way to choose your One Word. For more information, see this blog post.

My One Word for 2019

Late in 2018, through several significant events, I noticed myself saying frequently, "I just find it really hard to trust people." As it became a pattern, I wondered, is it only other people I can't trust or does it go deeper? Is it based in a hesitation to trust myself? Or is it possible that I am unwilling to trust God? As I sat with that thought over the next few weeks, I realized the struggle was real and the Holy Spirit was prompting me to attend to this matter in a very intentional way.

What better way than to make "trust" my One Word for 2019?

I began preparing my heart by looking in, while at the same time, attending to the places where trust was mentioned, or where I felt a struggle to trust people or God. Here are some of what has surfaced.

Songs would come in the night, or in the middle of an anxious moment. First, it was "Tis so Sweet to Trust In Jesus."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him

How I've proved him o'er and o'er.

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus,

Oh, for grace to trust him more.

Here's a beautiful rendition by Casting Crowns with the full lyrics:




A second song was sung in our weekend worship service at my local fellowship:

What I already know is I will praise him

What I already know is that I must!

For I was made to love you, 

you are worthy of my trust,

What I already know is already enough.

Here is the video from People & Songs:



Then when I had experienced a rather significant disappointment, this little ditty of a camp song popped into my head:

Are we downhearted? No, no, no!

Are we downhearted? No, no, no!

Troubles may come and troubles may go,

We'll trust in Jesus, come weal or woe!

Are we downhearted? No, no, no!

Here's a children's version:



There were also scriptures that surfaced in my reading the very day I  began thinking about this matter:

“When I am afraid, I will put my trust and faith in You. In God, whose word I praise; In God I have put my trust; I shall not fear. What can mere man do to me? ...In God have I put my trust and confident reliance; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
‭‭Psalm ‭56:3-4,11‬ ‭AMP‬‬

This quote from Corrie Ten Boom was in my news feed today:

And finally, a quote came from Susie Larson, a Bible teacher, author, speaker and blogger, whose daily morning and evening blessings in Facebook have been an ongoing encouragement. She's recently published a new book titled Fully Alive, and this quote is from the book:

Imagine the sparkle in Jesus’ eyes as He puts His scarred hands on your face, and with full assurance and joy He says to you, “My dear one, I want you to rest while I work. It makes my heart sing when you trust Me. So rest those restless parts of you and see what I—in My love and wisdom—will do for you."

These are just the beginning of my meditation. I have already been given opportunity to trust God and certain people, and to trust God with certain people and circumstances in the past few weeks. I look forward to the grace to trust him more.



If you would like to know more about OneWord, see my post from January 3, 2018.

Why We Should Sweat the Small Stuff

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, 
and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 
~Jesus (Luke 16:10)

This is a startling statement made by Jesus to those who think we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. What he makes very clear in this statement is that integrity matters in the details, in the mundane, in the hidden. How we conduct ourselves in trivial matters is an accurate predictor of how we will conduct ourselves in large things.

The great basketball coach John Wooden said, "The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching.”

Charles Haddon Spurgeon put it this way in 1876: "I think you may judge a man’s character by the persons whose affection he seeks. If you find a man seeking only the affection of those who are great, depend upon it he is ambitious and self-seeking; but when you observe that a man seeks the affection of those who can do nothing for him, but for whom he must do everything, you know that he is not seeking himself, but that pure benevolence sways his heart."

Other memorable quotes about character include:

"A man’s character is most evident by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or reciprocate." ~Paul Eldridge, novelist, 1948

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” ~Malcolm S. Forbes, publisher, 1972

Because of the times in which these quotes were written, the generic term "man" is used, but of course, this doesn't let women off the hook. Jesus' words, in the NIV translation, state clearly that this measure of character and integrity applies to human beings across the board, regardless of gender, age, or any other difference.

Wise King Solomon reminds us that character also is reflected in how we treat animals:  "The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel." (Proverbs 12:10)

Further teaching from Jesus also talks directly to not flaunting good deeds: "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:1-4)

This seems to contradict what Jesus said just a few moments before in Matthew 5:16: "...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  However, if we look at the immediate context, this is a concluding statement in an analogy of how his disciples are to be like salt and light, influencing others and improving situations by their consistent character and righteous behaviour.

Here's the entire paragraph: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

In the Matthew 6 statement, Jesus criticized those who were doing things for personal honor. In the Matthew 5 statement, Jesus indicates the purpose of good works is so God will be glorified. Why? Because everything good comes from Him (James 1:17), and anyone who claims to follow Him should reflect the character of Jesus, and of the Holy Spirit who lives in all true believers. God does not give us His Spirit so that we personally gain from it, but so that His glory is made plainly evident to all those who witness our lives.

It's not about me.

How I conduct myself, whether I am seen or unseen, in small things or large, should always be a reflection of the One whom I follow. Every task, no matter how (seemingly) insignificant, is an opportunity to do good and live right. What I do and how I respond becomes a habit, and habits become patterns that will determine how I conduct myself in weightier matters.

Prayer: Lord, I want to be faithful in the little things. I trust in Your strength to help me persevere and do what is right in even the most boring of circumstances, when I'm tempted to cut corners. Thank You for empowering me by Your Spirit to live in such a way, every day, every moment, that if anyone were to witness my actions at any time, they would say, "Glory to God! That person lives like Jesus."

Songs in the Night

In the still of the night, thoughts ricochet like bullets in a tank. Nighttime becomes a battle ground against insecurity, against fear, against doubt. Insidious infections, these, but the antidote comes in several forms: the truth of God's word, the Bible, washing over my mind and heart; spoken words of prayer and praise, which the Spirit inspires and inhabits; and the singing of psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. 

Tonight only one phrase rose: "God never is before his time and never is behind," from a poem my mother often quoted or shared in written form. An internet search located a copy printed in 1892. It was written by Rev. Thomas Toke Lynch (1818-1871). Perhaps it will be an encouragement to you as well.


Say not, my soul, “From whence
Can God relieve my care?”
Remember that Omnipotence
Has servants everywhere.

God’s help is always sure,
His methods seldom guessed:
Delay will make our pleasure pure;
Surprise will give it zest.

His wisdom is sublime,
His heart profoundly kind;
God never is before His time,
And never is behind.

Hast thou assumed a load
Which few will share with thee?
And art thou carrying it for God,
And shall he fail to see?

Be comforted at heart,
Thou art not left alone;
Now, thou the Lord’s companion art,
Soon, thou wilt share His throne.

- T. T. Lynch

Photo: personal collection

The Shack - a book review of sorts

Originally released in 2007, this book created quite a stir in certain circles. I wasn’t ready to read it then, for the simple stated reason that I refused to read fiction (but that’s another blog post for another time). Not even when one of my closest friends begged me to read it because she was desperate to discuss it with me, I held firm in my resolve. The deeper, underlying reason was that I was in a dark period of doubt regarding God’s love and goodness. I didn’t need some off-the-wall view of a different sort of divine presentation to mess with my carefully constructed fort of self-protection. I avoided mystery. I wanted “Just the facts, ma’am!”

The protagonist in the book, Mack, was a black and white kind of guy. A pretty average husband and father with average nice kids. He’d had some pretty painful experiences though, like many of us, as he was growing up and they colored his view of God. This was only compounded when his youngest daughter was kidnapped and murdered. The character development and this part of the story takes about the first eighty pages. His heart snapped shut to grace. He considers suicide. At this point in the book, the story turns to how he encounters God in a completely different form than his perceptions had previously allowed.

So how did I come to finally pick up this book? I started in a cohort to become a Spiritual Director. I began to engage in Listening Prayer. What startles me most is the very clear experience of hearing, sensing, seeing, feeling and encountering God in ways far different than anything I had previously known. 

My most significant encounter with God to date (which turned me on my ear) was immediately following Brent’s suicide. It was trauma, similar to Mack losing his daughter. But God’s presence was immediate: an aura of light, consuming love and promised provision were clear and physically tangible, coming and going over the next few days and weeks. I was held. My doubt was gone. God is good and God is love. I don’t understand it, but I’m willing to embrace the mystery. I am carried and cared for.

Since then, I have come to hunger for a more intimate knowledge of and relationship with this God who has made known to me the reality of Presence.

So, I thought, why not read the book? Why not stretch my imagination to include a God that might possibly show up in all sorts of unusual ways? After all, God's “ways are high about our ways" and God's "thoughts are not our thoughts.” And as it says in the book of Hebrews, “God spoke in diverse ways at diverse times”.

If you have trouble grasping the idea of a God that could show up as an older, pleasant, loving, black woman, or you read the book and hate it, Mack says “Sorry…but it wasn’t primarily written for you.” Then again, maybe it was.

I wasn’t ready for it in 2007. I was ready for it this week.

There’s a little bit of story and a lot of dialogue. As far as writing goes, there’s a lot more “telling” than “showing” but there is very descriptive language. There are some terrifying scenes involving a serial killer, kidnapping and the resulting devastation on a family. There are impossible to believe encounters with the Trinity in bodily form (remember, it’s fiction), and yet those encounters seem not only plausible but they articulate complicated truths and make them accessible in a way that goes far beyond any theologian I’ve ever heard wax eloquent in a pulpit or on a blog. It’s written respectfully and lovingly and I closed the book in awe-struck wonder, fresh with child-like faith at the possibilities of how God can reach into our world, come as a baby, grow up as a human, setting aside the right to exercise the power of deity and become our redeemer and life-giver.

Some of the questions about God’s appearance are the first subject to be addressed when Mack encounters the Trinity: “…I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature. If I choose to appear…as a man or a woman, it’s because I love you… To reveal myself as a large, white grandfather with a flowing beard, like Gandalf, would simply reinforce religious stereotypes.” (p. 94). Mack admits all his stereotypes of God were very white and very male, but because of his negative experience with his own father, he would have been resistant to God appearing as Father. That God appeared as a black female showed compassion and skirted Mack’s resistance to God’s love.

I’ll leave it to you to read the book to discover how God the Son and God the Holy Spirit take tangible form. Remember, this is the writer’s imagination and yet I found it intriguing and delightful to imagine along with him.

As I continue to read, I appreciate the dialogue and interactions between Mack and the members of the Trinity. Mack, of course, can’t believe what is happening. Yet, the author creates a warm and welcoming series of scenarios in which I found it quite easy to imagine myself in Mack’s place.

There are well-articulated explanations on all sorts of subjects. I began making notes, because I want to be able to go back and reference some of the quotes on these various subjects: the humanity of Jesus,  the concept of “being” vs. external appearance; how God’s sovereignty and human free will intertwine and happily co-exist; punishment vs. discipline; the problem of evil, pain and suffering; man’s independence from God exercised in creating power-based institutions like religion, politics and economics; true freedom, the appropriate place for judgment; the nature of heaven; and so much more.

I have learned long ago that God, the creator of the universe, the one who knows my name and numbers the hairs of my head is far beyond my understanding. I cannot create God in my image and no one on earth can conceive the expanse of God’s character, form and being.

What I do know is that God is a verb. Active, living, dynamic. And God is a noun. Three persons, distinct yet One. The trinity has invited me into fellowship. Christ has given me his life. The Holy Spirit is present in me, with me, around me, working through me to live the perfect life of Christ out of my humanity. God speaks and I want to tune in to hear; to surrender to this Love, this Goodness.

This gives me great confidence and I often sing and speak out of these truths. I am learning to rest and wait on the Lord, depending on the leading of the Spirit in both large and small ways. Do I have it figured out? Ha. No way! I still have bouts of fear, on occasion, in short bursts. Anxiety triggered by a current event that causes fixation on what should be a simple, uncomplicated issue which I cannot comprehend. I make choices or speak words that may hurt others, unintentionally, when I act out of my core issues of abandonment, insignificance, unworthiness. But I’m learning to tell myself the truth: that God is with always with me, God is especially fond of me (and of you), and considered me (and you) worthy of redemption. Most importantly, I am surrendering to God’s love, opening my heart and mind to God’s truth through the scriptures, through my pastors and counselors, through my spouse and friends, through nature, through circumstances (both satisfying and difficult) and through stories like The Shack.

But most intimate of all, in addition to all of these, God speaks to me in personal relationship, through listening prayer, through meditation, through impressions, through imagination, through reason, through feelings, and sometimes through dreams.

“I am come that you might have life, and have it to the full,” Jesus said.

So, while I have breath, my prayer was, is and always will be, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth (in me, right now, here, today) as it is in heaven.”

The best way – the only way – to know God is to be in relationship.

If you are curious, read the book. Visit the website. Read what others think. Read what the author has to say.

As for me, I’m just a girl, standing here in front of you, asking you to believe God loves you and that God is not at all what or who you think. This book might just help you understand why.

But if you don't like it or don't get it, that's okay. God will go to any length down any road to find you. And when that happens, I kind of suspect you may just find everything you've been looking for.

Blessings,

Joyce

How Did I Get Here?

I’m short listed on a very short list (one of two) for my dream job.

Dream job, I tell you.

I know, I know, no job is perfect. But when the job description lists all the requirements and I tick them off one-by-one, and the “required experience” sounds like you’re reading my résumé? And when I’m in the first job interview and the man lists the additional parts of the job they expect and my heart skips a beat and I literally fist pump right there in front of the three of them in the interview because he’s listing things I’ve always wanted to do and loved to do and didn’t dare dream enough to even write it down but held it safe hidden away in the corner of my heart where only impossible dreams live?

I think that’s a pretty good fit for the way I’m wired.

Don’t get me wrong. I like the job I have. I have a Facebook album of photos called “I Love My Job” because many days, I do. It’s been a good three years. It was a quality of life choice in March 2011 to take this part time position to help cover the cost of my son’s university tuition.

It was a conscious, intentional choice to put myself in what I knew was a subordinate role, even though my skillsets and experience could have probably fit better in a supervisory position in a corporate setting. But God knew I was going to be wounded. And God knew I needed a safe place to be when the police came knocking that December morning that my husband took the train to heaven.

And God knew I needed people around me who could love on me and support me and extend grace to me and be patient with me while I limped along in a blinding grief fog for nearly a year, forgetting things along the way, dropping duties like pennies through the grate of the sidewalk and still they let me stay and I grew stronger. And God knew I needed the intercessory prayer team that prayed every week for my personal requests that I tagged onto the ones that were in the request box from Sunday. And God knew I needed to get to know Kim and Tina and Curtis and Sammy and Jenn and Ashleigh and Nairn and David and Sarah and most of all Jared and Awlwyn and Craig. And time and space doesn’t allow me to list all the people who are part of this little church who have loved on me – all 200+ of them. And God knew I needed to be in a place that agrees with Him that spiritual gifts aren’t gender based and allow a woman to share His word and His work and lead His worship.

But.

Even though I like my job, it doesn't cut it any more (economically), since I am the sole breadwinner for myself and my university student son. Sure, I have my husband's sports car to sell. His hockey season tickets won't be renewed, I can eventually downsize my home and invest the difference and there's a modest nest egg which is well invested for retirement, but that's got to last for my whole retirement and I plan to live a long time. So in the meantime, I have living expenses that exceed my income and the savings account is dwindling.

I have resigned my position. The people in leadership who need to know already know this. There are a myriad of reasons why I chose to do it now, and those reasons don’t belong in a public forum. If I am not the selected candidate for my dream job, then I confidently say it was not God’s dream for me and I wait again, in anticipation of what is next.

So how did I get here?

In December, we focus on the Advent, the waiting, the anticipation, of the coming of Christ. And I read and meditate and feel like I’ve spent my whole life waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

For what?

God has already shown up. I wait on the Spirit’s movement. Wait for that Voice behind me that says, “Here is the way, walk ye in it.”  The Voice that says, “Behold, I am doing a NEW thing!”  The one who is Emmanuel, God with us.

God. With. Me.

He is here. How did I get here? Through the with-God life. Holding onto God and when I had no strength to hold, God holds onto me. He always holds me. And whispers, "I am your sheild and portion; your protection and provision. I’ve got you.”

“I’ve got this.”

Sitting with my Spiritual Director one cold Tuesday in November, knowing the last job search took seven months, I'm looking for discernment in how to proceed in my career shift. She asks, “What is your dream job?” I list everything off, thinking it sounds like a “Jack of All Trades, Master of None” résumé. But it would be my dream to do it all and in God’s great wisdom and omnipotence, did I dare believe that it would be possible that all these things could come together in one place? I have a tiny sliver of hope.

And so I wait.

And one month later, a friend sends me a job description for a place I’d be honored to work and I meet all the job requirements and I have the required experience and I decide to apply. In the meantime, two more friends send me the same job description. These friends don’t know each other, all three are from different social circles. They all thought the job sounded like me.

So here I am. After one interview, I’m on the very short short list, I’ve submitted requested samples of my work, provided my references, and completed the Ministry Match Assessment to see if my gifts, personality and preferences would be a fit with their current team. The next step would be a phone call booking a second interview. More in-depth, they say.

Interesting. The first interview was one of the most in-depth I’ve ever had.

As I told some friends last night, if I am not the chosen candidate, then I have to believe it was not the perfect job for me.

Every every struggle and every success in my past has shaped me into the person I am today. I will take God's hand and step into the future without fear.

Update: I was offered the job and accepted. I start Feb. 24.

Waiting and Letting Go

Last week I wrote a letter to a friend lamenting. "I have been waiting... (for this, for that)" and ended it with "I'm letting go." So much disappointment can come when we try to hold too tightly to something or someone we don't want to lose. I was reminding myself that holding on can do more damage and create more hurt than that which I fear. Especially when we don't really have a choice.

So I hold memories. Sweet memories of the gift someone or something has been in my life. I go to that tender, nostalgic place to visit and I express deep gratitude for that person or experience or series of experiences. But I can't stay there. I need to let go.

Lately, though, while I knew I needed to let some things and people go, I also didn't really have a clear direction in which to move. It's like letting a balloon go, expecting it to fly away and it drops to your feet instead.

That's where it requires discipline not to pick it up again and instead, wait on the Lord for what comes next. Be still and know letting go was right, be still and know that God is God, be still and trust his plans for hope and a future. Be still and do the next thing: whatever is in front of me to do.

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
.
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.
.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752; Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1855

Read the words again. Dwell on them. Did you see it?

Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
from His own fullness all He takes away.

No one else completes me. No possession comforts me. No experience sates my appetite for the one God-shaped vacuum in my being. Only Jesus, in all his fullness and love can complete me (Colossians 2:10).

On Saturday my father in law sang a song for a friend's 80th birthday. On Sunday, the pastor for whom I work quoted the same song in his message on anxiety and fear from the story when Jesus calmed the storm.

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;

All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;

All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way.

Frances J. Crosby 

And today, in a third reminder, a friend (who knew nothing of my feelings about "waiting" and "letting go") shared a new song with me. What are the words about? Waiting and letting go, allowing myself to surrender to the love of Jesus. I share it with you. Enjoy.

When Change Comes

Impending storm, SE Calgary

It started. Without warning. Without ceremony. Hardhat workmen appeared overnight with orange vests and heavy machinery, just over the rise. Throat constricting with panic, I run to see.

I spend hours each week, wandering the shore of this pond, sharing sacred space with a chorus of Canada geese, crazy laughing loons and squawking gulls. One memorable series of days includes a migration of geese so dense the sky was dark with their waves. Wing upon wing, clouds lifting and lighting on the water. I photograph sunrise flamingo pink and purple, sunset blazing orange and fire, wildflowers on the bank framing wilderness pathway. I walk midst golden fall of aspen and birch, return to gentle waves lapping, worshipping the Creator of fowl and flora, earth and wind under bluebell sky.

Female Common Golden Eye with her brood of chicks, Carburn Park

Now standing on top of the rise, my worst fears are realized. I hear the death sentence declared with a loud roar from the backhoe as it digs a deep scar, tears into the heart of the rich black earth. The unspeakable is happening: the beautiful waterfowl refuge is being drained.

Pathway beside Bow River, Douglasdale

To be fair, it really wasn’t a protected area. Boundaried by two residential developments in a suburban area of the city, this unique parcel - adjacent to forest pathways and the Bow River - had long been zoned heavy industrial. And the body of water? Only a large settling pond for rock-washing runoff from the nearby cement plant. But the utilitarian had become utopian. A fixture befitting the small forest it bordered. A watery refuge for birds and stressed out humans.  Beauty out of ashes. Now it is being removed. Drained and filled with dirt for a new development.

Blood pumping, fire flashing in my temples, I call the community association.  Can I stop it? Protest? Rally the protesting power of Greenpeace or Ducks Unlimited?

“Not likely! Remington Developments is going ahead with the first stage of preparing the land for light industrial and residential use. It will be the largest urban development of its kind in Canada. There was an information session last week.”

Community information sessions are pretty low on my priority list. I’d missed it. Light industrial? What does that mean?

“It could mean small shops like automotive repair or something similar.”

I imagine it now. Waking up at 7 a.m. with the whine of an air gun or power torque wrench removing lug nuts from a tire, carbon monoxide from idling cars, black smoke from blown engines billowing behind my back yard.

I call the neighborhood realtor.

“I’m going to have to sell and move. How much did I just lose in my property value?”

“Well,” he says, “the value of your house is quite imaginary until you put it on the market. It’s worth what someone is willing to pay. What’s happening over the rise may seem bad right now, but really, based on the type of development being planned, you should actually see an increase in your property value once the development is finished.”

“How long will that take?” I ask. I don’t really believe him, but I’m still listening.

“Oh, maybe five or more years.”

I sigh. Swallow my pride. Decline his offer of a free home estimate. Take a Tylenol for the pounding behind my eyes. Try to rest. Dream of how it used to look.

A nearby lake in Carburn Park is still accessible 

We do move. Sell the house at double the price we paid only five years earlier. Move into a slightly older but immaculate home with a wonderful mountain view. I’m still walking distance to the river, so I couldn’t be happier.

Fast forward five years.

Today we drove through Quarry Park. Once I got over my resistance to change, we have watched with great curiosity what was rising from the dregs of my favorite pond. Elegant glass, steel and stone office buildings no more than three stories high, landscaped with fountains and flower, with thematic names like “Central Campus” and “Quarry Park West”. Upper middle class residential homes and townhomes in tudor style with rear garages, all in soothing dark neutrals and beautiful sandstone. Retail and restaurant area with our favorite grocery and eating places, a salon spa and—of course—a Starbucks™. Walking pathways, green space, resting benches alongside a lagoon and creek which intersect the center of the development. Executive apartments and a high-end condo development aptly named “Champagne” – penthouse units run nearly $1 million each.

The ugly cement plant has been dismantled. No trace remains. Land is designated for a community recreational complex. Further north, warehouse space is tucked in a discreet area well hidden from residential view. Adjacent older industrial buildings have been decommissioned and moved to a new building further from the roadway. What was a narrow, bumpy, poorly maintained city street is now being widened to four lanes, providing ease of access north and south. Not a single automotive repair shop in sight.

“This is one beautiful development,” my husband exclaims. “It has really improved the entire community.”

I have to agree. Five years earlier, my panic, anger and despair was based on wanting things to stay as they were. What I saw as disaster has, in five short years, become a blessing. I didn’t know what the developer had in mind, so I couldn’t grasp the enormous benefit was going to come from losing my favorite pond.

Perhaps I should remember this lesson for other areas of life. My loving Creator has a greater blueprint for benefits to bestow on my life. What may seem tragic could actually be the beginning of one of the biggest developments in my life. 

As we pass the lagoon, two Canada geese landed softly on the water. The sun reflects a brilliant Alberta sky, and the soft breeze seemed to whisper with a divine accent:

“Trust me.”

Sunset on Pond

Photo credits: Personal collection