Tipping the Scale toward Health

A friend fell off the wagon regarding her diet. She said “I blew it,” and asked how people stay motivated. What follows are some of the thoughts I shared with her, since I’ve found some limited progress after carrying extra weight for many years.

Please note: I'm not telling you what to do or whether any of this will work for your particular body, personality or metabolism. I'm just sharing some of the things that make a difference when I do them. I don't always do them but I do them more often than I used to. Every effort I make increases my quality of life. I am healthier now physically, emotionally and spiritually than I have been in decades and I live with an overall sense of well-being far beyond anything I've ever known. Try what you like, discard the rest. Listen to your own body. Perhaps you’ll find something in this that twigs for you.

A few years ago, I realized I needed to get healthy. I wrote about the entire process in my last post but didn’t elaborate on detail regarding the physical side: fitness, weight reduction, nutrition. In the past year I’ve dropped 30 pounds, slow and steady, without really “trying”.

What finally made the difference?

I decided to focus on feeling good and becoming healthy, rather than weighing a certain weight or wearing a specific clothing size. Being healthy and fit brings lasting satisfaction. Clothing and image are only temporary ego boosters and don’t meet the deeper need of self-respect.

I began to practice self-kindness. My friend didn't "blow" it. One day off track does not signal failure. Watch the language you use when you talk to yourself. Would you talk that way to a colleague? A friend? A spouse? Encourage yourself the way you encourage them. Be respectful of yourself and your own emotions. Think of one thing you've accomplished and express gratitude for it. Treat yourself to non-food rewards. 

Examine nutritional choices. Proven methods bring predictable results. Eat a broad spectrum of food from all food groups but just in smaller portions. Eat balanced meals at regular intervals made from whole foods (anything that doesn’t require an “Ingredients” label), drink lots of water or non-caffeinated teas. Certain foods bring physical cravings and can cause emotional crash. Be careful with the carbs and sugar. They mess up my head and my emotions when taken apart from protein. Like drinking liquor on an empty stomach, eating carbs or sugar without protein gives your system a sucker punch. And speaking of liquor, most alcoholic drinks are high in calories and serve little to no nutritional value. They also remove inhibitions and make self-control more difficult.

Be aware of your body’s monthly cycles. Weight and bloating increase during certain days. Your body is affected by something you can't control, but you can learn to be aware and manage it more effectively by soldiering through the few days when your mood swings are worst.

The bottom line is, you must spend more calories than you consume. Get your body moving, even if it's just a short walk and do short bursts of exertion. Even ten minutes a day or taking the stairs instead of the escalator all add up over time.

Learn to calm or energize yourself to break the habit of emotional eating or eating out of boredom. When you eat, sit down and savor every bite rather than absentmindedly chewing while watching a show or working or surfing online. Try to sleep at least 8 hours per night. Our bodies rebuild and reset themselves in sleep. Watch a movie, write a poem, listen to quiet music, sing, have a long bath or hot pounding shower, meditate, draw a picture, call a friend, take a walk, read a novel, whatever engages your mind and relaxes your body so you are able to focus on something other than your diet.

Get professional help, if needed. 1) See a naturopath to test food sensitivities and nutritional deficiencies. Our bodies crave what we aren’t getting in our diet. I dropped wheat and soft drinks and lost 18 pounds. 2) Engage a trainer to help you find the most effective exercises for your body type and problem areas. I didn’t lose much weight from this but it built muscle mass and increased heart health while sculpting and toning my shape. I still have a long way to go but I'm much more able to move, bend and exert myself now than before. 3) Find a psychologist who can help you work through things that cause emotional eating or binge eating. Many compulsive habits have their roots in old wounds. You can't heal what you don't acknowledge. This was a big one for me. I try not to "emotional eat" any longer. And here's a thought: If you intentionally eat alone or hide what you're eating from those around you, that's a red flag. When you do this, you're only hurting yourself.

Allow for cravings. Denying myself doesn't work. If I crave a Snickers bar, I have one. Just one. Or even just a bite or two. Not often. But I have found when I drink a glass of water and/or eat a healthy item first (apple, orange, banana, small piece of cheese, a few nuts and/or raisins) and I rarely still crave the high sugar option. I ask myself, "Am I really hungry or am I eating out of boredom, habit, compulsion?" Occasionally, I still eat the sweet treat. I savor it but I don't reach for the second or the third like I used to. If you eat absentmindedly, measure out a portion and put the rest away. One naturopath suggests being strict six days per week and eating whatever you want on day seven. I’ve not done this, but she swears by it. Perhaps it would work for you.

Focus on something other than food. Avoid calorie counting or detailed tracking systems – it just keeps you fixated on food. Only weigh once per week and use it as an indicator, not an alarm or measure of success. If you're always thinking about your diet, it's self-defeating.

Hang out with people who are where you want to be, who have proven success, rather than people who are struggling with the same issues or people who don’t respect your restrictions and try to get you to indulge. Keep in mind, everyone is unique and what works for one may not work for everyone. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s a “best” way to do something. Listen to your body.

Remember that every day is a new beginning. New mercy. New beauty. New start. You can do this. One day at a time.

Blessings,

Joyce

Stock photos purchased under standard license from depositphotos.com

January Inventory

So much of what I'm reading online these days sounds like many of you are experiencing post-Christmas crash and crush from looking at all the coming challenges of the new year. A few stave off January darkness by snowbirding south or snowboarding north. Those who can't escape bear down to work harder or smarter, resolve to declutter, lose weight, exercise more, make a life plan, do this, do that - all good things - but the undercurrent carries the despairing sense that we've been here before and nothing is ever good enough to exact lasting change.

Some are obsessed with "doing", goal setting and comparing (10 ways to Declutter, Four Steps to Improving, 7 Habits, The Best Way to Do the Right Stuff for the Wrong Reasons). Or learned apathy drives others to refuse, rebel, or mock the "resolutioners" with cynical humour or outright Debbie Downer criticism.

The depth, cold and darkness of winter, creeping age, fatigue, chronic pain all take their toll. Yet we seek to do, be, act, live better because our very nature is imprinted with the creative drive to do so.

I write this because I recognize the cycle in myself. The bleak midwinter wants to bury me emotionally under the long nights and piled snow. I have found some specific actions have made a lasting change for me. These are habits of which I still must remind myself daily. There are apps available to help track and/or remind me of activities and goals. Change does not happen overnight and even after good progress is made, change in circumstances or relationships (job, death, birth, marriage, etc.) unearth areas that have not previously been addressed. I'll list the order in which I began to tackle my own problem areas, but I don't think there is a particular formula. This is not a "how to" but rather a "what helped me" blog post. Start where you are, where you feel you are ready (or completely desperate) for change.

A. Emotional Health

I started here about five years ago. There is no easy button, no quick fix. I just knew I was a mess. Angry, overweight, depressed, and in deep need of healing.

We cannot heal what we don’t acknowledge. I addressed this in a two-pronged approach: support groups and professional counseling. I realized I was powerless over compulsive behavior and the tendency to do the wrong thing. I would often lose my temper with family and others. I saw the toll this was taking on everyone. My life had become unmanageable and I realized I needed help. I attended Freedom Session, http://freedomsession.org/  a modified 12-Step group based on emotional healing and the power of God. It provided tools that helped move me forward from where I was stuck in my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I learned to get out of denial, stop lying to myself, stop the blame game and identify the original wound being triggered by current events. It helped me learn how to heal.

In addition, I had been seeing a clinical psychologist for a number of years, since my son was born. When I started in 1994, I was suffering from post-partum depression but it was undiagnosed for three years. Later on, I met with her on occasion when life got overwhelming. I continue this practice. A professional is trained to support you in ways your friends and pastor cannot.

B. Mental Health.

Professional clinical counseling is also a great aid in mental health and intellectual processing, and I also cannot emphasize too strongly the need for many to have medication which helps resolve the chemical imbalance of the brain which often leads to irrational thought. Just as we take medication to keep our blood pressure stable or insulin to help diabetic conditions or other medicines which replace functions of organs that may have been damaged, we also must see there is NO stigma to taking medication to help the most important organ, our brain, to function as it is designed.

If our brains are working as they should, then we can reason and learn and absorb and make effective, healthy decisions. One way is through reading experts or inspirational writing which educates and encourages us and helps us to understand and act differently, in ways that will help us rather than harm us.

I read two significant books which assisted me in understanding two key areas in which I was stuck: perfectionism and discontent. Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection" helped me stop beating myself up for always falling short of my ridiculously high expectations. And Ann Voskamp's "1000 Gifts" was a dare to live fully by opening my eyes to the beauty right in front of me, large and small, every day. To see it all as a gift. “Nothing is a given. Everything is a gift.”

C. Physical Health

I saw my doctor on a regular basis, yet I often did not disclose to him the true nature of how I was feeling until I was in crisis. My late husband struggled with depression and anxiety and this greatly impacted our relationship. While I could not help him, I had to help myself. Like the airlines caution you about the oxygen masks, you need to put your own on before you help others, I needed to get better myself so I could be of any use to him. Sadlly, he refused to see a counselor, a medical doctor or to consider medication for his condition, and this ultimately resulted in his suicide.

I put depression and anxiety under the “physical health” column because I believe the majority of these conditions start from physical causes, not “wrong thinking” or “spiritual failure”.

I decided to see a Naturopath who specialized in food sensitivities. She identified my intolerance for wheat in all forms and I eliminated it from my diet. I experienced an immediate lift in my physical health. The chronic heartburn almost immediately disappeared. My hiatal hernia stopped acting up, except in high stress situations. The Naturopath also put me on a regimine of vitamins, supplements and natural remedies for stress and anxiety. I began to feel better than I had for decades. I also significantly reduced my intake of soft drinks like Coke, stimulants like coffee and replaced them with unsweetened juices, herbal teas, water or club soda. I also reduced my sugar intake, which reduces inflammation and cravings.

After eight months I was finally ready to tackle my body shape and fitness. I set before me the goal of health, not just a certain body shape or a target weight. Exercise to feel good, not to feed your ego. Physical exertion in safe ways releases reward endorphins in your brain which help you feel good. I jump-started my program by signing up with a personal trainer.  I would arrive at our session feeling down, tired, discouraged and invariably I would leave rejuvenated and happy. On Nov. 27, 2012, I posted: “Amazing, how being pushed past my own perceived physical limits by my skilled trainer helps me see how strong I really am. Feels good. Taking nothing for granted. So grateful for this new period of health.”

There are also direct links between my nutritional intake and my emotional and mental health. I must drink at least two litres of water per day and eat balanced, whole foods, minimizing prepared foods high in salt and sugar (hint: choose foods that don’t have an ingredient label). Don’t be obsessed by tracking any one thing or denying yourself. Any extreme is unhelpful. To eliminate or emphasize any one food group (i.e. low carb diet, vegan, high-protein, and so on) is to put ourselves at risk to physical, emotional and mental disease, not getting the holistic natural nutrition our body and mind need to live in optimal health.

D. Spiritual Health

I have always believed in the power of the scriptures, as the Living Word of God, to be spiritual food, a truth anchor in the midst of mood swings, or a thermostat that controls the emotional temperature of my life, a fertile garden where I can grow and gain wisdom. Two other significant books I read during this time were Brennan Manning’s “The Furious Longing of God” that helped me understand how much God pursues me, is crazy about me, and loves me completely. As you can understand, this goes a long way toward emotional healing as well as spiritual. The other book was “The Inner Voice of Love”. This is Henri Nouwen's journal from the most difficult period of his life, when he suddenly lost his self-esteem,  his energy to live and work, his sense of being loved, even his hope in God. Although he experienced excruciating anguish and despair, he was still able to keep a journal in which he wrote a spiritual imperative to himself each day that emerged from his conversations with friends and supporters. I found it not only resonated but encouraged me – a spiritual leader who was also depressed yet learned to see God and hear God’s voice in the darkness.

On Nov. 27 I also posted, “Some have lost faith because of terrible circumstances. Isn't that the time when you would most want to rely on God's strength, comfort, healing and love?” Please know that a few years before, I had nearly despaired and seriously questioned God’s love and goodness, due to very difficult circumstances of my life, but this statement shows the distance I had come in healing from that wounded place to the present moment of wanting to rely on God.

Little did I know that one week later my husband of 31 years would die by suicide. The presence of God in the moments and days following was so tangible, I could physically feel myself being held, covered, carried, by Love.

I don’t know where I would have been or how I would have survived if I had still been in the days of pain and denial. Sometimes these traumatic situations force us to a life change or a break down. I began reading the scripture again with renewed vigor, for all the strength I felt draining away in the crush of preparations needed to be restored. For months afterward I soaked in the trilogy of books written by Dr. David Benner: “Surrender to Love” which helped me discover the heart of Christian Spirituality, “The Gift of Being Yourself”, the sacred call to self-discovery, and “Desiring God’s Will”, which is all about aligning my heart with the heart of God.

Since those days two years ago, I have studied to become a spiritual director but found I am not yet emotionally strong enough to bear the deep burdens of others who are still in a very wounded place. I hope, one day, to delve more fully into this field.

E. Relational Health

Life is best lived in community. We clearly see what happens to those kept in solitary confinement. A supportive group of family and friends who encourage us, have the courage to care enough to confront us when needed, keep us accountable and point out where we might need to practice more healthy habits and behaviors.

I had two small groups: one of just a few women and a mixed group of six couples I/we met with on a weekly basis, some more often on a social basis: one on one for coffee and/or Bible study or just social time. They were my confidants, my soul-sisters, my brothers in Christ. I could tell them just about anything and know they would keep it in confidence, pray for me, help me work through it, even give wise advice if I asked. Several times, especially after my first husband’s death, I felt a great restlessness and was tempted to do something impulsive like quit my job or sell the house or run away. I would call one of those small group members and meet with them and they helped keep me steady. I am deeply indebted to each one who held me and helped me in my weak times.

So, there you have it. A long list of things I have done and continue to do. Through it all, I learned if I want to be different I have to BE different. Don’t continue doing the same things. Make the hard choice to do something more effective and keep it up, one day at a time, one step at a time.

F. Recreational Health

Finally, creative and recreational outlets are also important to having fun and getting moving in fun and enjoyable ways. I took up photography, glass fusion, swimming, hiking, camping, singing and renewed my writing, blogging and poetry. I even dabble in art and sketching and took a turn at scuba and parasailing. Others quilt, knit, crochet, cross-stitch, ride horses or motorcycles, snowshoe, ski, skydive, and the list is endless. These are the things that bring zest to life, the reason we want to be healthy – to enjoy all the good gifts in God’s beautiful creation.

I’m still in process, but I’m healthier now than I have ever been in every area I have discussed. I don’t take this for granted – I have to choose this every single day. I still battle areas where I haven’t yet had healing but I am so grateful for the life I have, the friends and family who support me and the God who created me to live in this kind of freedom.

I hope you might be helped by something here. If you have other books or practices that have helped you get unstuck and you would like to post about it in the comments, feel free.

Now go live and laugh and love.

Blessings,

Joyce

The Lonesome Valley

This is a tough day.  A kick-you-in-the-teeth kind of day. Could you sit down with me over a cup of coffee, and just listen with compassion for a couple minutes?

Things I needed from others weren’t forthcoming. (Everybody’s busy. I get that.) My request regarding working hours has virtually been denied. (They don’t really know what I do but they’re sure I’m the only one who can do it. I should feel complimented.) I’m dealing with unpredictable performance from my computer. (That’s no one's fault.) The backlog of work is piling up. (It is the busy season.)

Everybody has bad days. I know that. Every organization has its operating requirements they have to meet. I understand that. But today, I came so close to firing off a resignation letter, putting the house up for sale and taking off into the wild with the fast little red car.

I didn’t.

I’m being responsible. Patient. Holding on. Digging deep. Finding true grit. Hitting the bottom and finding it’s solid. My hope is built on the strong and sure foundation of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I’m also holding tight to the very helpful and pragmatic instruction to not make any significant changes in the first year after my husband’s death. Most days this is a really good boundary and suitable criteria. But today? It's not easy. No one promised it would be. I feel like a big part of me is getting lost.

Then I come home and check out Facebook. Update after update reminds me of Brent. A song here, a blog post there, a status update, even a joke. They all remind me of how life breaks down the spirit. How a lack of appreciation wears down the perseverance. How hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12). How an absence of affirmation carves a deep crevice in your confidence like pounding water over time can carve a deep channel in stone.

Even when I know God works in all things for the good of those who love Him, it’s hard to keep moving under the heavy burden some days.

There is a traditional Spiritual that comes to mind:  

Jesus walked this lonesome valley. He had to walk it by Himself; O, nobody else could walk it for Him, He had to walk it by Himself.
We must walk this lonesome valley, We have to walk it by ourselves; O, nobody else can walk it for us, We have to walk it by ourselves.
You must go and stand your trial, You have to stand it by yourself, O, nobody else can stand it for you, You have to stand it by yourself.

So I can either sit here and milk all the melancholy out of the day, slip deeper into darkness, count all the things I lack or I can begin counting my blessings one by one and cling to the truth of God’s word that reminds me “this world is not my home, I’m just passing through.”

Though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and staff comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. (Phil. 1:6)

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  (James 1:12)

Lord, to whom should we go? Only You have the words of eternal life. (John 6:68)

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:4-5)

Am I grieving? Yes. It's okay not to be okay. But I'm also normal. I have some good times. When I'm down like this, do I seek pity? Absolutely not. Do I want your prayer? Absolutely, yes. Am I down and in darkness? I know this too shall pass. I look to the Light. To the one who is Life. I tell myself the truth from the very words of the One who is the Way, the Truth and the Life:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Thank you for being there, too. The path doesn't feel so lonely any more.

Sing, Speak, Write, Paint

I woke with a desperate melancholy this morning, and so I return to gaze on beauty and continue naming 1,000 gifts in 2012.

233. A gift sung
Yesterday at the memorial service for my good friend, Carole, her favorite worship leader led us in “Blessed Be the Name”. This was a song which I sang the weekend my father passed away. I remember that comfort as a gift each time I hear the song. The truth of the song is that God gives and takes away and I choose to speak the truth, that either scenario is a blessing intended for my good and his glory.

234. A gift written
My father was a songwriter. He wrote these song lyrics: “Forget not all his benefits, my soul bless thou the Lord. Review his tender mercies and the comfort of his word. Remember well the greatest of the gifts that he has given: eternal life through Christ our Lord and citizenship in heaven.” These include a reference to Psalm 103:2. I recommend the entire Psalm to you.

235. A gift painted
My friend, Michele Bailey, shared the room across the hall from me during my last semester of college 2,000 kms from here. We have remained friends. We now live within 15 minutes of each other and she has become quite the painter. She did a commissioned work for us last year based on a photograph I took of Upper Kananaskis Lake from Mt. Indefatigable (see picture above). Each time I look at the painting I think of my friendship with Michele, how God orchestrated our lives to live near each other, and the blessing that we continue to be in each other's lives.

236. A gift spoken - an incredible gift to me this morning...
This video is excellent and well worth the 43 minutes to view. John Lynch speaks about what could be the most profound decision you will make in your life: “There are two roads at an intersection, the road to pleasing God and the road to trusting God. You can only choose one.” –John Lynch, The Cure

Questions: What have you sung, read, heard or seen today that was a gift?