Adult A.D.D. and Thanks: A Path to Wholeness?

Trying to concentrate on what I’m reading about living fully right where I am, but my adult Attention Deficit Disorder kicks in. I stop reading and strain to identify the barely audible rhythm of a distant car alarm. 

I turn back to the book but the drone of the dryer and my husband’s morning throat-clearing cough and grooming routine pull my attention away again. I squint my eyes and beg the Lord to help me hear his voice, fully, with rapt attention. 

Why he called this distractible mind into an administrative position, I will never know in this life, other than perhaps that the hyper-focus on one thing can be an immense benefit to accomplishing a project. But the rest of me struggles to keep track of a plethora of small requests and some days are worse, with every diversion another brick in the wall of forgetfulness that bars me from the goal of being a detail-oriented professional who makes everyone happy. 

Should I give thanks for this deficit? The book says it is through thanksgiving that my wholeness comes.

295. I am grateful that I see life in every diversion.

296. Thankful for a heart that desires joy and completion for others.

297. Thrilled for tasks that are diverse every day.

298. Pleased to meet others along the path

299. Stunned with the awareness that I can bring death or life to them through my words, Your words.

Lord, help me pay attention to you.

Let eucharisteo be my corrective replacement lens.

From 1000 Gifts: eucharisteo: an attitude of thanks. Life filling gratitude.

Bears and Rockies and Lakes, Oh My!

285. I saw grizzly bears today. Mom (Bear 64) and three cubs. They were grazing the dandelion meadow beside Bow Valley Parkway (Hwy. 1A) between Johnston Canyon and Banff Town (on the way back from Lake Louise).

Every visit to the unparalleled Canadian Rockies and World Heritage Site, Banff National Park, I am healed. The muscle of the mountains, the changing moods of the covering cloud, the diamond jubilee dancing on pristine water, the wary and evasive wildlife... all of it a testament to beauty and a restoration of hope. There are many gifts to number.

The drive out was shrouded with cloud and pounding rain. 286. We camped with our little dog and small trailer at Tunnel Mountain but it rained most of the weekend. 287. We visited with good friends, Joyce and Sam Hewson, who tented at Two Jack Lakeside (is there a more breathtaking camping spot? I think not) and they built great fires despite the rain so all was well.

Yet after another long night of pounding rain keeping me from sleep, I suggested we drive to Lake Louise. The rain was steady but light and lifted just as we reached the lake. Always beautiful, but shrouded in cloud, we couldn't see the heights of the mountains. Yet 288. the lake always charms and 289. the cafe makes astonishingly great lattes.

It was the drive back from Lake Louise that charmed me most. Brent wanted to read the Sunday Sun so I drove, and 290. chose the path less traveled: the Bow Valley Parkway (Highway 1A). After stopping briefly to 291. photograph two bull elk, a passing pro photographer whispered, "There are some grizzly bears just down the road, they're a lot more interesting than this." And so they were.

Brent took the wheel after the bear encounter and we returned to our campsite to pack up and head home. 292. Cascade Mountain was still hiding its head under a cover of white fur, but the blue sky and persistent sun made it joyful.

As we headed home, 293. Brent looked at me. "I was getting really tired of the rain and so impatient. I would have rather just packed up and gone home, but when I see the joy you get from the mountains, I love that. It really feeds your soul." 294. I'm so grateful he noticed. And appreciates it.

Yes, Brent it feeds my soul. Yes, yes, it does.

Good Stories

You know those stories that captivate you? How many of them had no tension, no problems, no death? All went well and the sun always shone? Yeah. No. So why do we cry foul or "not fair!" when things go awry in our own story? Live the mystery. Follow the Author to find out the ending. It's happy. He promised.

Back-Ordered Gratitude

I return to the blog after a stressful week to name gifts, wondering, if I had kept naming them daily, if the stress might not have been so great. However, when the well is dry, to try to be grateful in the tsunami of stress seems as inappropriate as conjuring up water with a divining rod. Here are free and unencumbered gifts seen in the past couple of days:

279. A day trip to the mountains. Calm water. Mt. Rundle.

280. A brief view of wildlife, reminding me of the scripture song: "As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after (the Lord)... He alone can satisfy". And he alone restores my soul.

281. Just enough melt on Johnson Lake to get a reflecting photo, a quiet moment and a near-spill into the water when I slipped on the bank. Didn't get all wet, just a wee bit muddy.

Ann's list today: fragile things...

282. I give thanks for a fragile ego. God always tells me to bring it to him to fix and it's a little smaller each time he repairs it.

283. The tire stem leaking air, gratitude for the air pump nearby.

284. Democracy is fragile. A little fear mongering, a little intimidation, a little bullying, and all of a sudden this bold woman doesn't want to take a public stand. I'm grateful I still have the right to vote, in private, without fear - knowing it is the Lord who raises up one and takes down another.

Some Days are Diamonds, Some Days are Coal

I know that's not how the song goes, but it fits. Today I was a coal miner. The pressure wasn't quite intense enough to produce diamonds, but it was a really, really hard day at work and I just felt like I spent 18 hours in the pitch black with only a pick axe and my weakening headlamp to light the work. I kept my mouth shut pretty much and just bore down and pressed through. I nearly coughed up a lung when the stress made my hiatal hernia bring up supper.

I am still going to name gifts, though I'm skipping Ann's list today because I didn't see anything bloom.

275. My son's crippled MacBook Pro was repaired, thanks to the discs I sent via Priority Post arriving today and a kind soul at Apple Care walking him through an obscure restart option that enabled him to repair the errors. Maybe Mom couldn't fix it, but I helped. And I prayed. Best fix ever.

276. I finally had the courage to say no to someone who sideways-delegates work they had been asked to do. Yes, I know grammatically I should specify he or she but I prefer to not make this too easy to identify. Let's just say it wasn't a staff member. I stood my ground because I'm already doing two jobs. Taking on another task was impossible. There are times when saying "No" is the right thing to do, even if it makes someone else's life a little bit more complicated.

277. I cooked quinoa for my supper. Alongside lemon-dill salmon, it was lovely. I love my rice cooker. Finished the quinoa perfectly, with two additional servings left for lunches.

278. I spoke out generally about those who lose their sanctification when cheering for their sports team. Sometimes you need to shine that dimming headlamp so someone else can see they are just making them selves look dirty.

Busy Thanks

I continue naming 1,000 gifts in 2012. Is it possible to be too busy to be grateful? Here I am, catching up again, but it is good to give thanks. Any time. Any day.

3 Gifts Waited For, April 7

262. An appointment with a nutritionist to deal with newly identified food intolerances.

263. Time to write.

264. Repeatedly singing the song: “We Will Wait” by Amanda Falk in preparation for singing it solo on Sunday.

3 Gifts Rising Up, April 8

265. Standing up to praise in harmony with my husband and long time friend.

266. Waking to Easter morning, all life begun anew

267. A chance to help my son with a computer problem. I'm so glad he asked.

A Gift Hiding, Held, Heard, April 9

268. I looked long and hard for a receipt in order to activate my birthday gift from December (iPad2). The receipt still hides, but the gift in looking was that I know where so many other things are hiding now.

269. I held my iPad2, finally deciding to activate the data plan and begin using it regularly. It meant a trip to the Apple store to get a proper SIM card. 

270. “You don’t need your receipt for that.” –Apple Store rep

3 Gifts Opened Up, April 10

271. The front door to a clean house when I came home. Thankful for people who love to clean for a living.

272. The ears of colleagues who are open to receive input and engage in constructive dialogue.

273. The words and hearts of five other women around my dinner table tonight, giving and receiving the gift of affirmation: what we have meant to each other and how each one has grown in their life and faith in the past seven months.

Related:
274. My husband willingly giving me space to entertain my group of women. 

Question: Who needs your affirmation today? What if the only people who will be here tomorrow are the ones you told "Thanks" today?

Garrison Keillor: He does good work

Image linked from Wikipedia bio on Keillor

Garrison Keillor of A Prairie Home Companion has done more to encourage my love and knowledge of poetry than any other person. I owe him a debt of gratitude for an expanded life. His "Good Poems" books are generous and delightful collections of poems all of us should know and read often. In his public radio program, The Writers Almanac, Keillor consistently presents solid, accessible poetry. The spot is transcribed and accessible online or via email. It is an email subscription I enjoy daily.

Besides a poem, Keillor includes one or two background pieces on writers or other famous individuals. Today's Almanac struck me as particularly poignant. A poem about so much more than aging, "Old Guys" by Wesley McNair and a piece about the surrender at Appomattox which ended the Civil War.

I recommend it to you. A brief journey into history, even emotion, that will leave you better for having visited. Click here to read or listen.

Garrison Keillor is added as gift 261 as I continue naming 1,000 gifts in 2012.


Question: What public figure has expanded your life?

April Gifts

I continue naming 1,000 gifts in 2012

3 Gifts round, April 1
237. The moon. Full and white.
238. The way my dog curls to sleep.
239. The tires that bear me to work.

3 Gifts white, April 2
240. The fresh snow.
241. The light of my monitor.
242. The hair of wiser women.

3 Gifts surprisingly found, April 3
243. A beautiful song to sing - from a friend.
244. Three part harmony - how much I've missed it.
245. Food intolerance identified. Now I avoid those and I feel better.

3 Gifts in His Word, April 4
246. Resurrection in Luke 24
247. My life is hid with Christ in God. Col. 3:3
248. If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. (Romans 6:8 MSG)

3 Gifts: at 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 6 p.m., April 5
249. At 11: A smile with two of the women from Bible study.
250. At 2: Finishing lunch to celebrate my boss's birthday.
251. At 6: Heading off with my husband to the hockey game. Our team won.

3 Gifts nailed together, April 6
252. The coffee table upon which I prop my feet.
253. The house in which I sit.
254. The cross upon which my sins are nailed.

And this moment, the end of the movie, a happy ending, a difficult movie to watch: War Horse.
The gifts of
255. courage,
256. perseverance,
257. love,
258. loyalty,
259. excellence,
260. miracles.

Sing, Speak, Write, Paint

I woke with a desperate melancholy this morning, and so I return to gaze on beauty and continue naming 1,000 gifts in 2012.

233. A gift sung
Yesterday at the memorial service for my good friend, Carole, her favorite worship leader led us in “Blessed Be the Name”. This was a song which I sang the weekend my father passed away. I remember that comfort as a gift each time I hear the song. The truth of the song is that God gives and takes away and I choose to speak the truth, that either scenario is a blessing intended for my good and his glory.

234. A gift written
My father was a songwriter. He wrote these song lyrics: “Forget not all his benefits, my soul bless thou the Lord. Review his tender mercies and the comfort of his word. Remember well the greatest of the gifts that he has given: eternal life through Christ our Lord and citizenship in heaven.” These include a reference to Psalm 103:2. I recommend the entire Psalm to you.

235. A gift painted
My friend, Michele Bailey, shared the room across the hall from me during my last semester of college 2,000 kms from here. We have remained friends. We now live within 15 minutes of each other and she has become quite the painter. She did a commissioned work for us last year based on a photograph I took of Upper Kananaskis Lake from Mt. Indefatigable (see picture above). Each time I look at the painting I think of my friendship with Michele, how God orchestrated our lives to live near each other, and the blessing that we continue to be in each other's lives.

236. A gift spoken - an incredible gift to me this morning...
This video is excellent and well worth the 43 minutes to view. John Lynch speaks about what could be the most profound decision you will make in your life: “There are two roads at an intersection, the road to pleasing God and the road to trusting God. You can only choose one.” –John Lynch, The Cure

Questions: What have you sung, read, heard or seen today that was a gift?

3 Things Salty, Sweet, Just Right and more

I continue the Joy Dare: Naming 1,000 gifts in 2012 

Today was "Greek Day" at the Women's Time Out where I work. The first three gifts came from these lovely ladies.

225. First, I witnessed them learning to dance like Zorba the Greek. Laughter, exercise, and fun! It was a "just right" gift.

226. Next, they gave me a plate of Greek food samples. The one most unique was Dolmathakia me Kima (Stuffed Grape Leaves). I can't say that it was particularly "salty", but it was the first experience I've had with anything wrapped in a grape leaf. Variety is the spice (or salt) of life.
227. Sweet: A lovely bite-sized sampling of baklava. Perfect, "sweet" ending to a delightful morning.

228. Snowy. The weather... my goodness! It snowed all morning. I went home, shoveled the driveway and walk - got some good exercise - went inside to have lunch, came back out and voila! the clouds broke and the sun shone. Scant residue of snow had melted.

229. I love my job. Most days. And usually the days I don't are the ones where outside influences are pushing their stressful ways into the job hours. On the rare occasion, the mundane duties require me to buck up and do the task - reminding myself always that there is a rhythm of life that allows "a time for everything" and the littlest task, when done to the glory of God, becomes an offering of worship.

230. My son is on the plane, winging his way homeward. Four short days to be with family. My heart is full.
231. Looking forward to a mini-reunion of sorts with in-laws around meals and a theatrical production this weekend. Music, food and family - almost like a Greek wedding! What could be better?

232. A multitude of affirmations this week from those whom I led in songs of worship this past Sunday.

Grateful. Humbled. Tired. Sad. Rejoicing. Yes, all those emotions can co-exist at the same time.

What are your gifts today? Did you notice them?

 

3 Things That Made Me Laugh

I continue the Joy Dare: Naming 1000 gifts in 2012:

222. My dog daughter's crazy, Tigger-like energy after grooming today. She bounced all over the vehicle,  then she collapsed, totally exhausted, when we got home.

223. Reminiscing with a friend... how Carole used to respond when I'd tease her: "Oh, you!" and she would dismiss my silliness with a wave of her hand as she chuckled.

224. How easily I cry. This is cathartic. It is good.

A Week in the Life

I continue the Joy Dare: Naming 1000 gifts in 2012:

217. One of my best friends died this week. She was a gift, taken sooner than I desire. The gift she left me was the example of perseverance, creativity, contentment, selflessness and encourager. She left people with a sense of their own value in the way she valued them.

218. My dog came through anesthetic and dental surgery with flying colors. She has a new lease on life.

219. Denise Hearn of the Calgary Pregnancy Care Centre spoke on Pornography: Why Christians Should Care" in church this morning. Eye opening. For more see http://exposecalgary.com

220. I led worship this morning at the church where I work. Great musicians joined me.

221. The guitar amp quit in between rehearsal and the service. I had given this all to the Lord so no need to worry. What a gift.

House Guest, Habits and Health

I continue the Joy Dare: Naming 1000 gifts in 2012.

207. It was a gift to give a cup of cold water to someone who asked. They were walking in the park and passed by my workplace. She needed to take a pill, I was glad I could assist. On the rare occasions when I give a cup of cold water to someone in need, I always whisper: "In the name of Jesus".

208. It was an absolute gift to have the son of friends come stay with us while he is taking a First Aid course. We had a wonderful time sharing about the Lord, his song writing and music leading, Narnia books, spiritual friendships, worshipping God.

209. It was a gift to speak seriously with a long time friend about a habit I need to change. A true friend doesn't pull punches. They tell it like it is. And I can hear them because I know they love me, they aren't just telling me what they think I want to hear or what they think is "right", they are speaking God's very truth.

210. It was a gift, that in a round-about way, Kony 2012 and a physically challenged woman helping care for orphans in Sudan have led me back to reconnecting with an in-town friend for lunch. I look forward to what other surprises will come.

211. A hard gift is the engine light staying on in my vehicle. Deciding whether to take it to the shop where I bought it, or to the dealer who knows the vehicle inside out. Knowing I've only had it four months. This is an opportunity to trust God.

212. My dog will have dental surgery Friday. Veterinarians are a gift. Having one close by is a bonus.

213. Antibiotics are a gift. They will hopefully begin to cleanse the infection in my dog's mouth before the surgery commences.

214. Health. Not being sick is such a gift. I am grateful I do not currently have to be on any medication or supplements. I generally feel well, so when my heart wouldn't slow down after exertion this afternoon, it was a red flag.

215. My body tells me when I need to relax.

216. Surprises. I love surprises. Each one is a gift. Lord, help me thank you for every surprise, even if it doesn't come wrapped as one of My Favourite Things. Help me to see your hand as the giver who only gives good gifts.

Simple Gratitude

Quick and easy tonight. Counting 1000 Gifts:

204. I am grateful for the gift of a soft, thick, terrycloth towel after a rejuvenating shower.
205. I am grateful for the absorbent towels that dry my dog and mop up messes.
206. I am grateful for the towel Jesus tied around his waist when he humbled himself to wash feet and set an example of how we are to serve and make ourselves of "no reputation".

Hard to Give Thanks

Image from stock.xchng

Who can't you forgive? Why can't I? I have someone I need to forgive every single day. You too? And I'm certain there is someone in my life who needs to forgive me every single day.

A discussion on a pastor's Facebook status today was in regards to forgiveness. If I don't forgive, God won't forgive me, this was the conclusion. I think the order is, however, that God has forgiven me, therefore, I must forgive.

I will forgive. It may take longer than I would like for me to get there. God may need to show me my reticence. I have forgiven in many situations. There are one or two remaining and new ones that surface from time to time. He may need to discipline me in ways that reveal my unforgiveness, but ultimately, since I am forgiven, since Christ is my life, I must, will, shall forgive. I am not alone in this effort. The power of Christ. The very Spirit of Christ who said "Love your enemies" and "forgive those who trespass against you" - this is the life I now live.

This is hard for me on so many levels. It requires death to self.

My human nature wants to rise. My "rights" are trampled and I feel resentment. My abilities are spurned for another's and I am envious. My needs go unmet and I am angry. These are the things for which I must give thanks.

Amanda Lindhout was kidnapped and held captive by Islamist insurgents in southern Somalia. She was held for 15 months, released in November 2009 when her family paid the ransom. She is now a sought-after speaker on the topics of forgiveness, compassion and social responsibility. She refuses to discuss the specific details of what happened to her in captivity.

However, a colleague of mine heard her speak recently and quoted Amanda as saying in her windowless prison where she was shackled alone in the dark for 10 months, she sought out something every day which she could count as a gift. If the guards handed her food instead of throwing it at her, that was a gift.

There was much more but it is not my story to tell. My story tonight is to find gifts that are hard to name as gifts. It is a little easier after hearing Amanda Lindhout's story. If she can find gifts in captivity, I better find them in my life.

Okay then. Let's get to it.

198. It is a gift that I am no longer invited to sing on worship teams in my church.
199. It is a gift to have someone in my life who doesn't share. This creates a lack in me. It is a vacant gift.
200. It is a gift to work full time. The hard part is to say it is a gift to not have my days free to do with as I would wish.

201. On the flip side, I can sing any time I please. No platform is necessary.
202. An unfilled hole is a space into which I can welcome the spirit of Christ. He offers to fill me to overflowing.
203. And being focused at work means that my time is spent in ministry instead of self-perpetuating indulgences. I think less of me and more of others.

Silence, vacancy and a lack of leisure can be turned into freedom, filling and giving - if I am willing.
Can I learn to say with the apostle:

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. -Phil. 4:11-13

Question: Do you readily forgive? What helps you get there faster? If you're hanging on to unforgiveness,  what would it take to change your mind?

Places I Love

191. The views are wonderful. Here is La Grande Arche and La Défense near sunset, photographed from the top of the Arc de Triomphe de l'Étoile, Paris.

192. Smith-Dorien/Spray Lakes Trail, Kananaskis. Looking northwest toward Ha Link peak above Canmore, Alberta

193. Paragliding in the Lauterbrunnen Valley in the Swiss Alps, we lift off above Murren

194. Seeing from a bird's eye view. Read the story of the day I flew.

195. Back home, Upper Kananaskis Lake from Mt. Indefatigable

196. The beach in Florida

197. Anywhere with my family

I am grateful for the joy of beauty and relationships.

Question: What are your favourite places? 

March on with the Joy Dare

My three gifts at three o'clock today included:

185. Finding the March Joy Dare page.
186. Securing a plumber in a hurry to fix a leak.
187. Texting with my son who is on a road trip in California.
188. And, dear Ann Voskamp, you are a gift. Thank you for the lists and the suggestions of 3 each day.
189. My small group was a gift tonight. Wise, caring, funny. A blessing.
190. James 3:17-18 which helps us understand what real wisdom is and what it accomplishes:

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honour. James 3:17-18 MSG


Question: How do you think gratitude can help cultivate Godly wisdom?

Multitudes on Monday

I don't have to look at the prompt list today. I have several things that were gifts today.

176. A nurse took my blood sample and it was COMPLETELY painless. You've no idea how much of a gift this is. It has never happened before. Always painful, always multiple attempts. Not today.
177. I got a walk in appointment to see the eye doctor and he referred me to a specialist re: my eye strain.
178. Free hockey tickets.
179. Another night out with my guy.
180. The Spirit of perseverance that pulled me out of a dark blue funk and back into productivity.
181. The husband cleaning the kitchen right now.
182. The fatigue I feel so that I will go straight to bed and hopefully sleep through the night.
183. Quiet time to work.
184. Our son texting us his status updates. Made it to California and is having fun tenting, despite the rain.

A gift new, made do, worn out, and a bonus...

171. A gift new: Silver space-age-esque cylindrical containers which have spring-loaded pumps which dispense the salt and pepper. I hesitate to use new contraptions like this. But they look cool.

172. A gift made-do: A parking spot at the hockey game tonight. We made do because it was as far from the arena as one could park and still be in the lot. We had to walk quite a distance in the cold with wet, blowing snow beating at our faces, however, exercise is good, the snow wasn't deep and the location of the parking spot at the faraway end made the easiest exit from the crowd of 19,000 we've ever had, with no line up at all.

173. A gift nearly worn out: Singing by ear. I've been doing it since birth. In my previous post, the picture reminds me of when I first discovered that not everyone can harmonize by ear. I grew up doing it because it was what we did in my family. But we also knew how to read music. Twelve years of piano lessons and 10 years of choir ensured that. Perhaps hanging around those that harmonized by ear made it possible for me to do it too. Perhaps there is something in how we are wired. I just still remember my astonishment at discovering some very accomplished musician who couldn't. Yet. Kind of like me learning how to be grateful. Haven't quite got the gist of it but I keep practicing. Sometimes it's off key but it's more grateful than the past. Practice makes permanent.

174. A bonus gift: Listening to Eric Metaxas speak at the Feb. 2 Presidential Prayer Breakfast. In this video, his talk begins at 35:00 minute mark and ends at 1:05. He draws a clear dividing line between what is a false picture of God painted by dead religion vs. the reality of Jesus being exactly what our hearts long for. Funny, poignant, profound.

175. Another bonus: I sat down at the piano today. I have only done that once or twice in the past six years. I played one of my father's songs. The older I get, the more I realize what he must have struggled through. Makes it easier to forgive him for what he didn't (couldn't?) give me. His music lingers as a testament to his struggle to honour God and sustain faith.

"I can't help but love you," God whispers. "Trust me."

Question: As you mature, have your eyes been opened to a clearer understanding of why others may not be able to do what comes rather easily to you?

Music. Music. Music.

To sing is joy. As I continue to number 1000 gifts, I can't believe it's been almost two months before music surfaced in the gratitude list.

168. Music. We had the gift of two amazing people express interest in the Worship Director vacancy at the church where I work.

169. Music. I listened to Kathryn Scott. She sings the Spirit.

170. Music. My desire for singing again is so strong, I think it's time. Singing is where I feel most alive. To be able to sing is a value that exceeds anything else. To sing for the creator of the universe, that is the greatest gift.

Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet. Those who wish to sing always find a song. ~Plato

Question: What makes you come alive?